Make a Difference: The Challenge of Excellence

INTRODUCTION The greatest myth about the key relationships in your life is that they “just happen.” The truth is every relationship takes work and investment. All relationships in your life are in a state of change; they are either growing or dying. If you are not intentionally investing in your relationships they will gradually become unhealthy, and eventually the relationship may end. Here’s the good news: you get to decide which relationships in which to invest, and as a result, you likely will see those relationships flourish. With the right tools, you can make significant improvements in the relationships that are the most important to you. Relationships affect us both psychologically and physically. In fact, research shows that if you maintain supportive, healthy relationships you will most likely feel healthier, happier, and more satisfied with your life. Also, if you surround yourself with strong, positive relationships you are less likely to have mental or physical health problems, and are less likely to participate in activities that are unhealthy. Recent studies have even shown people in healthy relationships tend to have a longer life expectancy than those who are lonely. Conversely, if you engage in toxic relationships, your life expectancy may shorten and your quality of life can decrease. So you see, life is all about relationships, and we all need positive relationships in every area of our lives. Everyone wants to be healthy and happy, and our relationships play a significant part in our sense of well-being—so why not invest the time, effort, and gain the understanding needed to make the most of all our relationships? So how do you begin to build better relationships? I contend it begins with an understanding of four basic personality types. Understanding the basic personality types will not only educate you on the type of person you are, but it will also educate you on how to communicate with others depending on their personality types. Understanding how to best communicate with someone based on his/her personality type is the primary way you can invest in relationships that are important to you. This is the end goal, and the ultimate gift of this book. CHAPTER ONE UNDERSTANDING YOUR PERSONALITY I realize some may ask the question, “If our personalities are set, why should we study them?” and “Why should we try to change?” Those are good questions. If all we’re going to do is label ourselves and others as having a particular personality type, we are not going to be doing much good. It may be interesting, but, really, what good is it? The Make a Difference personality profile, like any other, is only an interesting tool at best without an understanding of how the knowledge gained through its use can be utilized. The purpose of the personality profile is certainly not to give the reader a tool for labeling himself or others, or excusing one’s behavior. The purpose of our profile is to develop one’s ability to understand one’s true self. We call this “self-awareness.” Self-awareness is primarily an awareness of one’s own thoughts, feelings, and traits, and the affect they have on one’s behavior, decisions, and outlook on life. Achieving self-awareness is the key to experiencing personal growth and positive change in one’s life. Self-awareness, gained through truly understanding ourselves, can foster the following and more: • Self-awareness can produce change in our lives. • Self-awareness can keep us in touch with the reality of how we are actually behaving. • Self-awareness can change our perspective on life and others. • Self-awareness can help us to make the most of our talents. • Self-awareness can become a means of determining our level of and potential for growth. • Self-awareness can get help us break out of unhealthy behavior patterns. • Self-awareness can keep us healthy in our thinking. • Self-awareness can help us with our relationships. • Self-awareness can empower us to achieve. The Make a Difference personality profile and concept is about facilitating that “Aha!” moment each person has as he becomes more conscious of who he is and what makes him tick. However, it’s important to keep in mind that our personality types do not predict our ability to succeed. Anyone can succeed in life regardless of his or her personality type. Personality type does not determine talent. There are talented people of all personality types. Personality type is not even a sure predictor of compatibility between two people who have fallen in love. So, to revisit the question, “Why should we study our personalities, our tendencies, or the traits and qualities we possess?” As we have already pointed out, the answer is found as we explore the concept of self-awareness. Self-awareness is what you achieve in the process of studying personality, and your self-awareness is going to grow as you read and apply the insights found in this book. In Self-Awareness: The hidden driver of success and satisfaction, Travis Bradberry explains, “Personality is the essence of a person’s character revealed in predictable patterns of inclination and behavior; a collection of our motivations, needs, and preferences that—once understood—provides a blueprint to our strengths and weaknesses.” This “blueprint” of our true self is an essential tool for crafting changes in ourselves with the purpose of being our best in relationships and personal pursuits. Finding a greater self-awareness is not an in-depth psychological undertaking, but rather a journey of self-discovery. Bradberry goes on to explain, Self-awareness is not about discovering deep, dark secrets or unconscious motivations, but, rather, it comes from developing a straightforward and honest understanding of what makes you tick. People high in self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they are capable of doing well, what will motivate and satisfy them, and which people and situations they should avoid. As self-awareness increases, people’s satisfaction with life—defined as their ability to reach their goals at work and at home—skyrockets. Since understanding one’s self leads to one’s being able to accurately assess his own strengths and weaknesses, if one lacks this ability to evaluate himself, he will likely fail to be fully aware of his own shortcomings, be unable to admit his mistakes, and become irritated with others whom he sees as “the problem.” But it is not just about the inability to see his mistakes or failings; he will not be able to accurately see his own strengths. On the contrary, those who possess self-awareness tend to be cool, calm, and collected—they’re good with people, they listen to others, they help others to feel at ease, and they tend to have a balanced perspective on life. Those who lack self-awareness tend to be those who are easily angered—they don’t handle difficult situations well, they lack “people skills,” and they are impulsive and defensive. Nevertheless, the negative scenarios do not have to be a part of your story. That is what Make a Difference is all about—empowering you, if need be, to change your story, improve your relationships, and transform your life. Know and understand yourself and others and choose to interact with others in the best possible way. I have found this is the key to making a difference in the lives of others. It’s a key I believe will help you unlock your potential and reach your goals. HOW IS PERSONALITY FORMED? As we build on our understanding of personality, let’s begin with understanding where personality originates and how it is formed. Your personality is shaped by three components: genetic makeup, environment, and behavior.