Pocket Guide to your Heart for Relationships

I N T R O D U C T I O N Today, as I remember my past, I feel the difference in my whole body. Who I was in relationship then is totally different than who I am now. I now see that I struggled because I was not living with the truth of who I really was. I blamed others for my unhappiness. I had become inauthentic over the years because I controlled my feelings and others in order to be comfortable. I controlled with love. I gave love to fill people up so that they would be happy and I withdrew love when I was hurt or things didn’t go the way I wanted. This dance of mine looked wonderful to others. I was so loving and generous that people could hardly believe I was real. I was popular and I used my looks and my need for love to open every door, to bring the attention or recognition that I craved. Yet I was always looking for more love and my desperation soon became intense and exhausting. My intention was never to hurt anyone but if I didn’t get back the love, I would withdraw, shut down or leave the relationship. My need for love attracted the kind of men who ended up controlling and manipulating me to fill their own void and lack of self-love. They too had suppressed the pain and anger that created barriers. They would project intensely or close their hearts so that neither of us could feel love. I blamed them and I’m sure they blamed me. We were unable to speak about it without blame and we would hurt one another with painful words or silence. We grew apart because there was no intimacy, joy or laughter between us and we were consumed by the uncomfortable emotions that we expressed from within. Whenever I didn’t feel love from the man in my life, the experience would repeat itself. Every time that I felt ... unloved and shut down ... they would fill my void ... or they shut down ... or they left ... After three significant partnerships that attracted all of my greatest fears and made me physically ill, I realized that I had to live differently to truly live healthily and in peace. I can see the whole dance so clearly now because I understand how I behaved and why I reacted. I found a way to let go of my resentment and unloving experiences. I created a process that would release the hurt and pain and fill me with love, creating a strong sense of self-worth. I found peace and I became more authentic and attractive. This life process took me to a place within that allowed me to take responsibility, stop blaming men and forgive my past, so that I could live with an open heart. THIS PLACE OF PEACE AND SELF-LOVE ATTRACTED MY BELOVED RELATIONSHIP I’m going to share my intimate relationships with you as they happened when I took full responsibility for my choices. Each of these relationships enabled me to find out more about my inability to feel my own love. I lay no blame because I have worked hard at letting go of resentment. I am grateful for each experience and every moment of love or pain. Once I changed my perception, I could see the miracle in the relationship. I could then LET GO!!! I honor each significant partner that danced with me in the fire and abandoned me in the relationship. I forgive myself as I take responsibility for not being able to feel my own love at the same time they were feeling unloved or experiencing their own pain. We didn’t know any other way to love … and the world around us loved in the same way. Every significant relationship mirrored who I was at the time and each was a reflection of my own love and pain. I could only love as much as I knew how to feel love. The love brought up the PAIN The light shone brightly on the DARKNESS Each relationship was a soul mate connection – each necessary for the evolution of my soul. Past relationships that still lived within me had shut down a part of my heart. I was so shut down and angry about a past partner that I forgot the love because I had not let go of the resentment and hurt. Once I learned to let go, I had more space for love, because the love I felt for that person was my own love, not his … I COULD THEN FEEL MORE OF MY OWN HEART. Instead of closing down my heart because a relationship reminded me of the void inside me, I learned to use the relationship to feel my pain and let go of the relationship. Once I released these suppressed emotions, I could re-connect with my own heart and source of love. When you feel devastated by a failed relationship and you think that your heart is dead, you truly feel you will never find love again. I remember the movie Sleepless in Seattle in which Tom Hanks said he couldn’t grow a new heart. Dating is like trying someone on and seeing if they fit. Take the time to heal your broken heart and find the love within so that you can attract a healthy, beautiful relationship. You will know inside when you are ready. The Pocket Guide to your Heart formula can take you to a place: Of deep understanding of your emotions where you will find the freedom to be more present in your life To become more authentic and attractive in your present relationships To attract the beloved and enchanted relationship of love because you have embraced the beloved within To feel your own peace and love in relationship and partnership The “beloved” experience kicked in when I began to have a relationship with myself, when I found the understanding and truth within, and opened up to my own vastness. I could hear my soul’s desires and find the wisdom to be all that I am in my heart. My first two significant partners led me to struggle with myself and what the relationships reflected, took me to my truth. The loving connection with my inner child and the healing of hurt brought me to the awareness of my wounds. I could then experience and express “belovedness” and my next romance nourished the Goddess in me. Each level of trust guided me to more self-awareness, self-worth and many aspects of beloved love. I was ready for the beloved partnership when Bruce arrived. You are the beloved and once you are comfortable with the pain and love inside, you can attract your reflection. When you are unaware of the love and peace within you, they can be like a foreign language; you may have no idea to what extent you are able to love or feel peace. You may not know because you haven’t experienced it, or you may not even believe it’s possible. I had just finished reading Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson when I met my beloved. I realized that this enchanted love was living in me. One of you may recognize the other … even in a busy airport! By sharing my experiences with love and pain in relationship, I would like to show how my Pocket Guide to your Heart formula can help you sustain your strength and courage. It can also guide you past whatever is blocking the way, to open your heart and to create a safe place within where you can go to new places in a relationship – places where you fear the unknown, and where you can use this tool to help you release the pain of your damaged heart. To dance together differently and not hurt the other person in the process. You might feel the hurt, but this process will guide you past the pain to more love. The Beloved Relationship can be a beautiful prayer. Two hands touching … Intimately … together. Moving deeper inside relationship, Falling in love … deeper levels … Together … deep love … Two hearts together … IN PRAYER The beloved is the experience of a safe rhythm of understanding and unconditional love between two hearts. In this place there is no judgment or expectation. The intention of love and peace, woven with respect, creates a safe place for each partner to become all that they are.