Brutal Justice
Your Guide to Being a Violent Vigilante, Crime-fighting Superhero
by
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Prologue
So, you’ve decided to take up the vocation of being a ruthless vigilante, taking the law into your own hands, then twisting it into a pretzel and chucking it aside when it gets in the way. Well, I have one thing to say to you…
Good idea, man! Go for it!
But before you grab the nearest blunt object, wrap a scarf around your face and run off into the night, there are some things you must consider. Here are some of them; be honest with yourself.
•Are you able to beat up a MMA competitor, or does your previous level of conflict experience involve yelling at a Starbuck’s employee over the level of foam on your cappuccino?
•Can you tell the difference between a revolver, an auto-loading pistol, a rifle or shotgun, and a pellet gun? More importantly, which should you choose for shooting a pedophile in the testicles while tied to a chair in your dungeon?
•Do you have a dungeon? If not, are you willing to build one within 90 days of commencing your righteous Crusade of brutality?
•What is your favourite colour?
•What does your power animal say about your crime-fighting style? Answer in 3-5 pages.
•Any thoughts as to a catchphrase or battle-cry (Screaming “Save the whales!” as you lay
about you with a machete really throws people off)?
•Do you at least own a ski mask?
There are plenty of other concerns as well, like funding, plausible deniability, fitness, what performance enhancing drugs to take, etc. Fear not, bold adventurer, for I have the answers you need. I’ll even coach you in the fine art of creating your very own mythology, turning disjointed jotting down of facts and rants into a masterful memoire anyone would be happy to read (and buy).
You’ve had your whole life to be normal, and what did that get you?
Not much, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So fill your lungs with a heroic breath, shout “Fuck You!” so loudly it resounds through the Halls of Valhalla, and leap into the void. Jump into my world, where adventure abounds and laws don’t apply. Jump into a realm of…abnormality; it is your destiny. Take your place amongst those proud few with the strength of will to grapple the miscreants and pummel them into submission.
We have pizza.
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Book Details
About the Book
Crime is rampant; the City cries in pain. The call is made for a protector, a hero…are you that hero?
Do you feel the burning urge to fight evil…but maybe you’re not quite sure where to start?
• Do I need a stick…how about a mask? • Must I develop 6-pack abs before heading off into the night? • What will the neighbours think?Well, you’ve had your entire life to be normal, and what did that get you? Probably not much…or maybe it has; good for you! It’s time to get positive, it’s time to get crazy; it’s time to impose your glorious, indomitable will upon the world at large.
So don’t plod through another day at your boring, lame-ass job, surrounded by coworkers that you hate, with a boss you want to shove face-first into a filthy toilet bowl.
Put on your ski mask and grab the old baseball bat…it’s time to go bash some scum! Justice! Brutality! Ultra-violence!
Heed the call!!!
{Disclaimer: Don’t actually heed the call, or you’ll end up dead or imprisoned. Reality check…sorry.}
About the Author
Despite owning body armour and a mask, Mark Sewell is actually surprisingly normal. Previous works include Stabman: Diary of a Superhero/Psycho. The author’s next book promises to be far more sane.