The Single Gal’s Guide to Shopping for a Great Guy

Smart Shoppers
Sistas, it is no secret that we love to shop, regardless of whether we have the money or not. Rarely can most of us turn down a good deal, bargain, or a must-have, even if we have to use credit, a “hot” check, or our very last stash of cash. If a woman sees any value in it, she will find a way to get it. The question for most of us is not if we shop. The question is how we shop.
Some of us are indecisive. Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for before we even get to the store. Some of us like the “finer things in life.” For others, cheap is king. Some of us appreciate the authentic while others buy bootleg. Some of us prefer boutique and one-of-a-kind; some like to shop in bargain basements on a dime. From Neiman Marcus to Walmart to the flea market, most of us enjoy shopping.
From low budget to no budget, we all fall into three major categories of shoppers:
1. Compulsive shoppers
2. Bargain shoppers
3. Smart shoppers
A compulsive shopper goes to a store knowing what she wants, but she ends up buying stuff she did not need or even intended to buy. Gimmicks get her attention. She falls prey to the red dots, red apples, gold stars, BOGO offers, clearance racks, percentage-off signs, the latest and greatest trends, and the hot new releases. These must-have offers cause her to lose her focus because she simply can’t resist them. So she falls for the gimmick. And oftentimes, because it was a compulsive buy, she ends up regretting her purchase or returning it, after realizing she really couldn’t afford it, really didn’t need it, or that it really wasn’t worth the money she spent or time she wasted on buying it.
A bargain shopper also goes to a store knowing what she wants—something for next to nothing. She goes straight to the clearance section. She is trying to find a jewel among the junk. She hunts the garage and estate sales too, and frequents resale shops. She loves to buy cheap and then brag about her discount purchases and how much they didn’t cost. She’s thrifty and will buy secondhand or gently used items, merchandise that’s been picked over or even damaged because she thinks she can fix it and disguise its imperfections. She puts more value on the low price than on the item itself. It’s important to note that when you look at some stuff on clearance, you can clearly see why it’s 95 percent off. It’s tacky, of poor quality, broken, or out of season. More importantly, when an item has been marked down so low that it’s almost free, it’s safe to assume that most people looked past it because they didn’t see any value in it, regardless of its low price. But this shopper buys this bargain. And when she gets her bargain buy home, she adds it to the mounting collection of stuff that she got for next to nothing.
Disclaimer: Many of us consider ourselves bargain shoppers, so don’t take offense at this analogy! When you reach the end of this chapter, if this bargain-shopper shoe fits, please take it off, take it back, or throw it out!
A smart shopper goes to a store knowing exactly what she wants and leaves the store with exactly what she intended to buy. Nothing more, nothing less. She might use a shopping list to help keep her focused and within her budget. She is patient and will shop around or save up for what she wants because she recognizes its value. She will travel far and wide until she finds it. She will not overextend herself or spend money on stuff she doesn’t need or didn’t plan to buy. She does not mind paying full price, if necessary. She can see past the gimmicks. She appreciates a good sale, but won’t settle for something just because it’s on display, cheap, or easy to come by.
Ladies, whether you realize it or not, we are all shoppers, from the shoes on our feet to the men that we meet. So, in the market of man-hunting, which kind of single shopper are you?
Are you compulsive? Will any man do?
Do you fall for the gimmicks that look good on the outside, even though there’s no real value on the inside?
Do you seem to end up with the ones who others have returned because they realized they really could not afford to waste any more time on him?
Do you tend to look for bargains that end up costing you more than what he’s worth?
Do you give up your valuables just to close the deal?
Do you have a tendency to rummage through damaged goods thinking you can fix him up or change him?
Do your impulsive decisions lead you to compromise and bring home something that you didn’t need and that just adds to your growing pile of baggage?
Do you usually end up discovering that the must-have man should have stayed on the as-is shelf?
Do you end up feeling cheap and undervalued once the transaction between the two of you is completed (and over)?
Disclaimer: I do not think or even want to imply that all men are dogs or intend to do us harm. However, some women undervalue themselves, leaving them vulnerable to acquiring cheap, damaged junk.
Ladies, we need to learn to be smart shoppers, from how we pick merchandise to how we determine the qualities we want in a man. We have to see a man as someone who will add value to who we already are and not just someone who can fill a hole in our lives. (No pun intended, but we need to stop that too until marriage!) He needs to be worthy of you. Like the smart shopper, we need to learn to wait on what we want and save up for him, versus spending (putting out or giving up) so much so quickly. When you save up for something special, it makes the purchase so worth the wait. So perhaps the lesson is that some of us need to stop shopping for them, pouncing on them, chasing them, begging them, throwing ourselves at them, giving stuff away to them, settling for any of them, and wait for God to send him to a complete, whole, confident, prepared, prayed-up, loving, supportive, submissive you!

Chapter 5 Warranty
Read Proverbs 18:22.
But wait! The Bible says (in the King James Version), “Whoso that findeth a wife findeth a good thing.” I know, I know. It’s 2015. These days, women shop till they drop when it comes to finding a man (which is why I wrote this book). And personally, I think it’s okay for us ladies to look. But if a man is shopping for his wife, what type of shopper would you attract?
Are you a bargain, cheap and easy to find?
Are you a gimmick, placed in the center aisle with all her goods on display?
Are you clearance? Would you be placed in a crowded sales bin with other items that have been picked over, used, marked down, and even a little damaged?
Or:
Are you a smart buy that is worth all the time and effort that it took to find you?
Would you be put on a high shelf with other valuables?
Might you even be put under lock and key because your self-worth makes you extremely expensive and highly sought after?
Ladies, low self-esteem and lack of self-love, poor relationship choices, and past mistakes have caused some of us not only to settle for men of poor quality but also to discount ourselves. Some of us don’t feel worthy of real love, so we put ourselves on sale and allow our relationships to damage our hearts, minds, and bodies, leaving us only 50 percent (or less) of who we should be. But God desires more from and for you, beloved. Know that God’s loving grace restores your mistakes and can repair any damage and heartbreak. Strive to be the “good thing” that a great guy is looking to find.
Chapter 5 Checkout

What I liked and learned while reading this chapter:
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What I want to live out and apply to my life going forward:
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