Preface
Good God my head hurt. The blood running through my brain felt like acid burning every cell in my skull. I was face down on the floor, and I really hoped I was in my condo this time. The floor was moving a little, and I knew if I opened my eyes it would only get worse. I could feel the heat on the back of my legs, so I assumed I was close to an open window. This was another reason not to open my eyes because the flood of light into my brain would surely kill me.
I wished I could go back to sleep. Unfortunately, the voice of experience told me that was not going to happen. My mouth felt like a box of cotton balls had been shoved in it and half way down my throat. There was a definitive dividing line between the desert of my upper digestive system and the boiling acid that was the lower half. Good God, I would give up half my net worth for ice water, extra strength Excedrin, and a hand full of antacids. If only someone knew how insanely rich they could be if they offered a little assistance right now.
My bladder was telling me it was full hours ago. I let the nerve endings of my body and extremities tell me my entire body was on a hard surface, not carpeting or a rug. After weighing the pros and cons, I decided a quick cleanup later was better than trying to get up now. So I let it go. All this accomplished is that it made me pay attention to my head again.
My head was lying on its side, and it felt like my brain had settled to one side of my skull. I decided to roll my head over and see if what little gray matter I had left up there, would migrate more to the center of my head. I very slowly lifted my head up. As I rotated my head my nose scraped the floor, and I felt a sticky and lumpy liquid on my face, mouth and the floor. Damn, my cleaning lady is going to have a fit when she has to clean this up again. Thank goodness I make a habit of passing out on my stomach, so I do not end up like those rock stars that pass out and drown in their own vomit.
I thought I had fallen back to sleep when I heard my brother Van’s calm voice coming from ahead of me. Between Van’s smooth baritone statements came the shrieks of profanity from a woman that was definitely pissed off. All I could think about was “Please, Van, shut that bitch up!” The “fuck you’s” continued for what seemed like an eternity. The shrieking faded as they moved farther away from me until I heard one last scream and a door slam. Thank God! Now I could either continue to sleep if it was a dream or go to sleep if it was not a dream. Damn, my hangovers were getting more complicated every day, and they were becoming an everyday event.
I definitely was not dreaming because I could hear him coming. I could feel the vibrations on the floor echoing through my head. A shadow fell across my face, and I felt his very strong hand grab me by my arm and roughly turn me over. As hard as I tried, I could still not open my eyes. I do not know if it was my head hurting so badly or not wanting to face my brother. The next thing I heard was “Time to rise and shine, Bro.”
All of a sudden, I was drowning. Water entered my mouth and nose with such force I could feel it drawn into my lungs. Every muscle in my body contracted, and I shot straight up and started retching and gagging to try and get the water out of me. The next thing I knew, I was bent over and Van was beating the shit out of my back telling me to, “Relax and breath normal.” After what seemed like hours, I could finally force some air into my lungs. When I looked up, I saw my brother standing over me with a bucket. After I had finally quit coughing, I threw up again in my lap. I spit out the last contents of my stomach and looked up at him again.
“What you trying to do, water board me like you did those poor slobs in Iraq?”
“You know I didn’t ever do anything like that when I was over there. We left that up to the intelligence guys. I was just trying to wake you up and get some of that shit and piss off of you before I had to touch you. Sorry if I went a little over board, but you are pretty nasty.”
“Just leave me alone. Go back to Tennessee to your pretty little wife and your two perfect daughters. I did not ask you to come down here! How in the fuck did you get into my place?”
“You gave me a key a long time ago, remember? Now get up, and get in the shower. I’ll clean up this mess and make you something to eat. Get moving because we have an appointment in a couple of hours in Tampa.”
“I’ll take a shower, but then I am going to bed. I’ll see you when I wake up.”
“Ain’t going to happen Brother. We got an appointment, and we’re going to keep it so get yourself ready.”
“With who?”