In Search of Death

The First Sight of an Angel

There were two very important clues that I knew the figure before me was not a normal man. I knew what it was when I first saw him. This person was dressed like a man, he walked like a man, but I didn’t believe him to be a man. This is not from a mind of a someone that is recalling an event and adding his own twists to it after the fact. This is simply how I had felt at the time.
It could have been the way the creature twirled his cane, it could have been the way he wore his black top hat, or maybe the way he would sometimes jump up and click the heels of his shiny black shoes. His breath could not be seen in the frigid winter air, and the snow nor the chill of the wind seemed to bother him. He simply smiled merrily like he was on vacation and like he didn’t have a care in the world. He would sing, he would dance, and all around him there was the carnage of war.
The creature didn’t create the carnage, this was certain. It was clear that the machine-guns and the mortar shells were responsible for that. But the macabre site of seeing something play in pools of blood, dancing over bodies and smiling was very disconcerting.
The second clue was that no one else seemed to be able to see this creature. It danced among soldiers, twirling his cane, singing his song. Mortar shells exploded by his feet, machine gun rounds tore all around him but there was no affect to him. In fact, there wasn’t even a drop of sand, oil or gore upon his perfect black tuxedo.
I stared at him in wonderment while trying to keep my head down from incoming fire. I remember my delight, and I remember how my heart leapt into action the moment I saw it. I knew my faith and my mind had lead me to this junction.
I watched as the creature skipped and danced around us to unheard songs. I knew what I was seeing was not a mirage or other strange thing that men can see when they are in combat. I don’t know how I knew this, I just knew it was so. I felt it in my gut.
I was feeling many emotions at that time. I was transfixed upon this creature, and I feared to blink lest he be gone forever. I felt vindicated that my brother Joe was not insane. I felt the joy that my quest had not been in vain. I felt relieved that I too was not going crazy. But I also felt very frustrated because the creature paid no attention to me.
I tracked this creature with my eyes, and at first I was too afraid to leave my position of cover. The Chinese were all around us, and popping up your head could get you killed. I tried to get its attention by waving and then by shouting at it.
“Who the hell you yelling at?” One of my buddies said.
“I’m yelling at them.” I said pointing to the Chinese front. I remember he just shook his head and kept on shooting.
“Over here you dancing fucker.” I shouted. “I’m over here. Why don’t you finish the job?”
I kept yelling, and I even took a few shots at the creature. But the bullets had no effect, and it didn’t pay me any attention. I started to get mad because the creature was starting to get further and further away. I wanted to have some answers, and here this creature was dancing away from me like an idiot and paying me no mind. So I did something stupid; I went after him.
I got out from my cover, I stood up amongst the hellfire and I ran after this apparition. I shouted, I waved my hands and made a fool of myself.
My buddies yelled to me, “Where you going? Get back here man!”
Their shouts were drowned out by the noise of gunfire and the confusion of movement that was everywhere.
I had to zig zag to dodge other marines, body parts and the other debris of war. I took cover in several shell holes, but all the while I followed in the creature’s footsteps. With each run, I came closer to the him. With each burst of energy, I was able to ignore the sounds around me. The guns, the screams, the explosions dissolved and all I could hear was my breath. I held onto my rifle, and I ran like a fool towards this thing. It came upon an embankment in a hillside where it stood in front of line of barbed wire.
It was then that I knew it was not from this world. I saw a line of bullets, that would have torn a normal man to pieces came through the dirt kicking up six feet high or more. They stopped at this man. The way a small ball would bounce off a brick school. The creature took no notice, no alarm was upon his face.
He turned then to look at me, and I stood there, foolishly upon the hillside I was in the direct line of fire of the enemy but I couldn’t take my eyes off of this thing.
“You might want to take a knee friend. Hell of a day isn’t it?” The creature had said to me.
I dropped to the ground, lead whizzed by me, how close I could never tell. It could have been ten feet above me or three inches above my head. But any man in combat could tell you that when you are faced with a barrage of gunfire, you can never get low enough to the ground. Even with my rifle above my head, and my chin pressing into the sand I couldn’t help but feel as though my equipment, and even the buttons on my shirt were in the way of me getting closer to the ground. I felt exposed, naked even. I thought that at any moment, I would be shot and that would be it. I thought that I was going to die there on some nameless hillside. It was at that moment that I looked up at the creature.
I thought the sun was behind him, and so it looked as though he had a halo. But this turned out to be a fire nearby on the horizon. Whatever it was, it seemed to obscure his face, but even so I could see his eyes twinkle and his face beamed with a smile.
“Such a beautiful day, don’t you think?,” he said as he leaned into see me more closely. “The air is so crisp and clean here, and those hilltops seem to go on forever. Too bad the war is getting in the way.”
“I have to say, it’s hard to ignore,” I had said as an there was a flurry of gunfire.
The creature stood up and shook his head. “Not so. All you have to do is listen for the music, and once you hear it, all you need to do is feel the moment and everything is ok.”
The man paused, kicked up his heels did a small little dance with his cane and added a flourish and ended with a bow.
“You’re insane,” I had said.
“Oh? Is it me that is seeing a man in a black tuxedo dance upon a hill covered with snow in the middle of a war?”
I had to think about that for a moment, something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, and where a man had once been a shell had hit. The explosion was close. Too close for me to have survived. And yet, here I am to tell you about it. I didn’t even have dirt kicked in my face, nor did I have the air sucked out of my lungs the way an explosion can do for you.
I turned back to the creature, unsure what I should do or say I simply said, “I suppose you are right then.”
The creature smiled. “I’m just teasing you. You are perfectly normal, perfectly sane.” Another few rounds kicked around him in the ground, he ignored them. The ground exploded in flame, dirt, debris and dust.
“How are you not dead?” I asked shielding myself from the fallout.
The man shrugged, and let out another smile, “What makes you think that I not already?”
It was then that I had the most terrible feeling. My heart had sank in my chest. It was the same feeling I had felt as a boy when I had taken to throwing rocks in the backyard. I had hit the barn window and broken it. I knew I was in trouble, and I knew that when father came home that I would get a beating.