Life on its Own Terms

I went to a nightclub with a few friends. The music was great so I was tapping my feet and swaying to the music. All the others were dancing. I just sat there wishing I could be out on that floor. Birmingham is a big city and can be a very cold place for a 19 year old, especially when this is the first time you are there alone. I felt so small and lost with strangers everywhere but I was also excited. I was out looking for a job a few days later and noticed a sign that said: Arthur Murray Dance Studio. Before I knew what was happening, I was halfway up the stairs. At the top of the stairs everyone was dancing and having fun to beautiful music. They were very friendly and I didn't feel alone anymore. I had friends. I signed up for their introductory five lesson course and I was hooked from the first lesson. I wanted more of the wonderful feeling I got moving to the music. I felt alive for the first time. I signed up for fifty more lessons because I wanted to learn more and more. I not only wanted to be a good dancer; I wanted to be a great dancer. While I was dancing I got a glance of myself in the wall of mirrors, then I looked at all the other women in the room. That’s when I realized I still looked like a country bumpkin. The next day I went shopping and got some of the girls at the boarding house to show me how to apply makeup. When they did my eyes, I couldn't believe it; my big baby blue eyes shone like neon signs. I was so excited I couldn't wait to get back to the studio. As I walked into the studio that night, all eyes were on me and I knew it. This was the beginning of a transformation for me, inside and out. The boys at school had always made me feel pretty but this was different. Sophisticated men and women were telling me I looked fantastic. The definition of pride is: proper self-respect arising from a significant achievement. I felt pride that night like never before. That night I realized I was becoming the woman I wanted to be. I had the feeling of being a little bit taller, a little bit stronger, and a little bit prettier. I looked for work but my heart wasn't in it. When I finished the fifty hours of classes, they ask me what I wanted to do with my dancing. I said I would love to take more lessons but I did not have the money. Then they asked if I wanted to be a teacher. Make money teaching someone to have as much fun as I was having! What a concept! Of course, I said, “Yes.” Now I would have a job I was really going to enjoy! I started training with Mrs. Clara Orr. She was less than five feet tall but when she got in front of that class she was ten feet tall. She whipped us into good dancers in no time. I was determined to be the best dancer there so every day I came two hour earlier than the others to practice. For each pattern, I learned both the man's part and the woman's part. Then I worked on timing and style. At 1:00 p.m. everyday we had a class to learn how to sell dancing. We were told to ask questions and learn why they wanted to learn to dance and what they hoped to get out of it. We also learned how to professionally present ourselves and explain the benefits of dancing to students. At 2:00 p.m. every day one of the managers taught us the finer points dancing. It didn't matter how long you had been with the studio, everyone had to attend these classes. It was great for me; I enjoyed the classes. I was always enthusiastic and interested in people in general. I learned how to polish my speech and present myself in a professional way. One thing they stressed over and over: we were never to go out socially with our students. We were professionals. While we should get to know our students well, we must also maintain our distance. I found that I could talk to anyone, one on one, but put me in front of a crowd and my mind and mouth stopped working. One day I saw an advertisement for the Dale Carnegie Leadership Course. This was just what I needed and I signed up for the next course they offered. I really enjoyed taking this course and it did wonders for my confidence. Now, I thought I could take on the world. I was at the studio from ten in the morning till ten at night. If I wasn't teaching I was working on my dancing. I was determined to make enough money to bring Delores to live with me. The Gold Standard test was coming up soon. To pass it I would have to know 30 steps with lots of variations in all 10 major dances: Waltz, Foxtrot, Swing, Rumba, Cha Cha, Mambo, Tango, Samba, Quickstep and Viennese waltz. I would need to demonstrate the man's and woman's part alone and dance all of them Free Style with a partner. Passing this test would mean more money and I was determined to pass it. ****** After the episode with Bobby Darin, Marlin decided I was vulnerable enough for him to make his move. Even though I had decided not to date any of the teachers, I was not that reluctant with Marlin because I just couldn't find a way to tell him no. After all, he was the best looking guy in the studio and he interested me. The night after the one with Bobby, he took me home, kissed me goodnight on the cheek and left. This was different; my mind was racing. Was he gay? Did he not find me attractive? Did I do something wrong? No, of course I didn't. Oh well, whatever will be, will be. This had become my motto--don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed. I kept thinking to myself: he is definitely good looking and sexy; he knows how to make a woman feel like she is the most important person in the world. (This was an art he had perfected and would become a useful tool in teaching dancing.) On the third night after work we didn't go out. We went to my apartment and cooked breakfast. We followed breakfast with a bottle of wine. He started to massage my shoulders, saying how tight my muscles were and that he would be glad to give me a massage to help me relax. While I was trying to decide if I wanted this, he pulled my top off and started to massage my back. His hands were like magic. I was completely under his spell. He continued the massage for nearly an hour, my head, shoulders, my back, and all the way to my toes. He turned me over and did the same to the front of my body. I had the sensation of being flooded with warmth and a shiver went through my body. His skillful hands on my body gave me more pleasure than I had ever experienced. I felt a need to touch him and explore his body, which I did, doing the same to him, as he had done to me. When we made love that night it was more than I could have ever imagined or fantasized about. I lost all inhibitions and was like putty in his wonderful hands. We made love ‘till we were both exhausted. This love making was a complete revelation to me. I was twenty-four years old and all the sex I had had before was just that--sex. I had never experienced anything like this before. It was amazing, wonderful; it made me feel brand new, like I was a different person the next morning. I was instantly addicted to him. This became our ritual every night and I couldn't wait to get home. I had never been happier nor worked harder in my life. Now work was being shared with my lover. He had started teaching and that meant when I wanted to see him, all I had to do was look up. One Friday night, just as we left work, he asked me to marry him and bring Delores to live with us. We couldn't wait so we drove to Mississippi and got married; then we immediately drove to Oneonta and picked up Delores. Now my family was complete.