Reaper’s Report

I’ve had this job since 1915, got it after a hand grenade blew me into the other world. I literally was resting in peace, no in pieces, ok a little reaper humor folks. When you have been dead for close to one hundred years it is not so hard to reflect on one’s own demise. Besides I do this for a living now, the Grim Reaper! Fancy title, black robe, complete with a farm instrument that no one knows the name of. Yes we got rid of that thing, yes the thing, the word that is on top of your tongue, I’ll wait I have all of eternity. The… The scythe! It is a type of sicle. Yes that is no longer part of the standard uniform. In fact the robe itself no longer part of the uniform, like most corporations we had some restructuring, a change in corporate culture and a makeover. We changed with the new millennium, we became a lean mean machine.

“Deaco” is short for Death Corporation. Well that has been around since people started dying so quite a while. Disasters department was founded during the plague. At any given time this department would institute huge events in order to increase the level of intake for Deaco. The department has business units for regions it is responsible for, and those are divided by the six continents: Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, North America and South America. (Antarctica does not have its own department on the account of no people living there.) These business units orchestrate major disasters. We got a memo that they are working on a bank hold up at corporate headquarters. The memo was entitled “Thousands of suits in one building, and the potential for massive casualties.” Disasters really love to use “massive casualties” In fact the department’s slogan is “Spectacular disasters - massive casualties.” They also do natural disasters. Volcano eruptions, major earthquakes, tsunamis you name it they had it. This department has the most funding, and the biggest special effects it takes a lot of effort and planning to execute one of these disasters effortlessly. For Deaco they are also the most lucrative department. They have the big assignments, the large crisis. It is them who create the really big disasters. Really it is about seizing the right opportunity, there is always a human that can make a mistake, and when that mistake happens you bet that Disasters will take advantage of it. Like the Titanic, the Captain goes way to fast, the guy in the watchtower drowsy and cold spots the iceberg too late, and bam! Literally! The ship collides with the iceberg and goes under.

They are working on a bank hold up right now.

Time to start my last day.