The Christian Woman’s Ultimate Love, Sex and Relationships Manual

Spouse hunting should never become an idol in our lives. God must always be the first priority for each of us. God will usually allow us to find a Godly mate as we pursue God’s will for our lives. If we are really doing everything that God has called us to do, we are probably coming in contact with lots of other single people. If God has called us to something solitary that does not allow us to meet anyone but the UPS driver, we can still go to events that interest us on the weekend. The important thing is to make what God called us to do our first priority. For men, there is no verse that states that a man cannot pursue a woman that he is interested in. The bible simply does not instruct people to stop living and sit under a rock to wait for Jesus. Rather, the bible says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6: 33, KJV). In other words, as we put God first, he will take care of the rest for us. We can still pursue an income, pursue relationships with both men and women, pursue good health and pursue community involvement. However, these other pursuits must come second to our pursuit of God and his righteousness. Mary was a woman who made finding a man her full-time obsession. All of her conversations were about men and finding the right man. Even when she would talk about God, she seemed to only relate to him in terms of his ability to help her get a man. She drove her friends insane with this obsession. She would ask her friends to take pictures of her constantly so that she could post them on facebook, Match.com and Plenty of Fish. She would wear these awful Daisy Duke short shorts and hang around hotels and restaurants hoping that men would notice her. When the guys from the internet would show interest, she would find out where they lived and camp out in front of their home every night. She was very scary to the men that she dated. She would call ten times in a row or beg for the guys to take her out instead of waiting to be pursued. Her real issue was that she did not trust God, so she was incapable of trusting men. I told her that she did not even need to start dating until she trusted God because all she was doing was wasting time and driving men away from her with her intense desperation and fear. She did not realize that God is the ultimate matchmaker and we have to trust him throughout the dating process. Mary had to learn to relax and quit searching so hard. She had to realize that we cannot force guys to like us; in reality, we can only be the best that we can be and leave the results to God. Once she laid down her guard and trusted that God would bring her the love that she desired, men started responding to her in a different way and she became a successful dater. God is jealous when other pursuits win first place in our hearts. Marge is a beautiful Hispanic woman who had to learn this the hard way. She could not figure out why so many tragic things happened to her and why she had such bad luck with men. She would talk to her friends for hours about her male problems and anyone who hung around her for over an hour knew that she was obsessed with men. She was constantly e-mailing or texting her guy of the moment. When she would walk with friends, she had her phone in her hand to check if a guy was trying to reach her. She signed up with Match.com and Plenty of Fish. She would figure out where a particular guy lived and check out his house. She was constantly sending intrusive e-mails to men to get more and more information about them. She would show up to a guy’s job unexpected if he said that he had to work late. She claimed that she did this because a guy had cheated on her when she was in her 20’s and it was difficult for her to trust men. She claimed that she trusted God in every area of her life except for romance because she never had any luck in this area. She felt very justified to have this mistrust of men and God because of her past hurts. Unfortunately, she never experienced being pursued by a guy. She claimed that she did not want to be pursued by a guy because it would cause for her to lose control. Her attitude was that she would do whatever she wanted to do and no God or man could tell her anything. Her pattern with men was strange to say the least. She would express her feelings of love and devotion to these men, then without warning she would call them stating that she wanted nothing to do with them and delete them from her facebook page and block their phone number. Next thing you know, she would show up at their home expressing regret and vowing to love them forever. Her behavior was consistently very child-like and erratic. She would behave the same way with God. One moment, she would claim love and devotion to God as long as it looked like he was going to give her what she wanted. The next moment she would hurl the greatest blasphemies ever known towards God for failing to give her what she felt entitled to get. It was very painful to listen to her hurl these insults at God. The Lord gave me the grace to be Marge’s friend and gave me supernatural patience with her. She was constantly asking for prayer for her relationships or “pseudo-relationships.” I would always direct her to pray for herself and develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Even though she claimed to be saved, she seemed to have no understanding of what I was talking about. One night, Marge got very angry and upset that God was putting her through so much grief with men and said, “I have been so good to God and he treats me so bad. I am so tired of seeing these women with their children happily married when they were sluts with their husbands while I tried to keep myself pure. Now I am in my 40’s and it is too late for me. I wish that God would just kill me if he is going to treat me like this.” This greatly alarmed me and I sought help for Marge through the church. Several weeks later, the Lord revealed the real issue that Marge was having with both God and men. Since several people at the church were praying for her, she was able accept God’s wisdom about her issues when I revealed it to her. I called her and she met me at a restaurant. I told her the following: “We have been doing a bible study at church and it has been on the book of Judges. In this book, the Israelites were constantly coming under God’s judgment and being placed into captivity. Guess why God was so angry with them? “ She said, “I don’t know.” I responded, “He was angry because they engaged in idol worship. Idol worship occurs when we place someone or something above God. God created us to be in relationship with him and when we chase other Gods, it causes him to become jealous. Whether the idols are wood and stone images or actual people, God looks at idol worship the same way that a husband looks at a wife who has been sleeping with another man. Throughout the Old Testament, he called the Israelites adulterers, whores and prostitutes for worshiping other Gods. He would allow their enemies to capture them whenever they committed spiritual adultery by worshiping these false gods. By the same token, if you ever watch Lifetime or see court cases of men who found their wives cheating, you would find that they become incredibly enraged. Some would burn their wives or tear their bodies apart. Usually when a man finds his wife cheating, he has a lot of trouble forgiving her. Women will forgive cheating in a heartbeat, but men seem to remain angry for a very long time.” Marge responded, “And I have been in captivity for 12 years. That is why things have not worked for me and I have felt so sorry for myself. I have been under judgment. I did not know that idol worship was such a big deal to God. If I would have known, I would not have done it.”