Still Dancing Through Life
A Love Story
by
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One of the most enjoyable things about being part of Norm's ministry was that every time Norm was asked to officiate a wedding, I received an invitation to each wedding Norm performed. A couple of times I attended the wedding rehearsal the night before the wedding. Norm was adamant about everyone paying attention and not allowing themselves to be distracted. He didn't allow any foolishness, which can occur when people are excited about the upcoming festivities and may have even started celebrating a little early. Norm knew that if everyone paid attention and knew exactly where they were supposed to be and when, the wedding would not turn into a disorganized spectacle. The first time I saw Norm do a rehearsal for a wedding, I was completely taken aback with his intolerance of people who weren't taking things seriously. I told him that I thought he conducted a "Nazi wedding rehearsal." After that all the rehearsals were referred to as "Nazi wedding rehearsals." Norm thought that was pretty funny, and I think he became even more Nazi-ish just to live up to his reputation. Attending every wedding was such a delightful experience. We got to meet many family members whom we had never met before. We always had a wonderful dinner, and we danced, danced, danced. The was quite a surprise to many people. Just hours before, Norm was standing at the altar pronouncing a couple husband and wife, and then at their reception, he was dancing to Glenn Miller and Elvis. One time when we attended the wedding of Walt Temple's niece, Walt's mother, who was not an active church member, saw Norm and me dancing and remarked to Walt, "It kinda' makes you believe in religion, don't it." One time Norm was preforming a wedding ceremony for two very elderly people in the chapel of the church. He asked the gentleman to repeat the wedding vows after him. Norm read the first sentence and waited for the man to respond. Silence. Norm repeated the sentence again. Still silence. Norm was getting increasingly nervous with the situation and at a loss as to what to do next. After he read the sentence for the third time, the gentleman turned to Norm and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, Rev. Helm. I was just being dazzled by the beauty of my bride."
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About the Book
Gretchen and Norm Helm were married for eight years when Norm was struck by a car while crossing the street and suffered a massive head injury. Everything in their lives changed at this moment. Norm, who was the pastor of a church in Westborough, Ma. had to give up his job and his profession. Gretchen also had to give up her profession as a therapist as they needed to leave the town they had called home for ten years in order for the new minister to establish himself without the former minister and his wife sharing the spotlight. They began a new life in New Mexico but had to deal with the effects of Norm’s traumatic brain injury. Norm’s short-term memory was gone, and over the years Norm had to endure many other losses. Then, seventeen years after his accident, Norm was diagnosed with dementia and subsequently entered an assisted living facility. While going through some things that Norm had written to Gretchen over the years, she found a lovely note that Norm had written to her on the occasion of their nineteenth wedding anniversary. He wrote, “My dear Gretchen, Nobody has ever been more a part of me and my life than you have been and are; nor have I ever known anybody as well and as deeply as I know you. We are not one: we are a pair...We dance freely, improvising as we spin around this floor of life...So just hold me, and we’ll dance another nineteen years. I love you, Norm.” Jack Kornfield wrote: “ At the end of our life our questions are simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” Gretchen and Norm have lived fully, and they have loved well.
About the Author
Dr. Gretchen Helm earned a doctorate in counseling psychology from Northeastern University, Boston, MA. She has previously published two other books, How to Claim Your Power, which was written for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. and The Birds Will Sing Again which tells of the challenges she and her husband are facing while dealing with his disabilities. She and her husband have two children. She lives in Catonsville, Maryland.