Paradise at Your Fingertips

The trees, the lake, the hills, the paradise, you can feel it at your fingertips. You breathe in the air, it’s fresh. You look out at the water, it’s clean. You put your arms out and you embrace this piece of paradise and say to yourself, it’s all mine. But of course, reality sets in and your attention is brought back into focus. The real world of drudgery! Paperwork, phone calls and e-mails! Work is no paradise.

Life has a funny way of bringing your focus back into reality. If only paradise was at your fingertips, you know you can feel it, it’s out there somewhere. It’s like going to a place with your true love without a care in the world. We all dream about it. For some of us this means being on a deserted island with the man of your dreams who finds you irresistible and who pleases you in ways you never even thought of. While for others this might mean some long awaited down time with nothing but peace and quiet while reading a good book and being wrapped up in a life that is free from the drudgery of real life. Twenty years ago, I may have longed for the first scenario but today I think the second is more to my liking. But life is all about going to work, doing everything for the kids, walking the dog, listening to the drums and preparing lunches, dinner and doing laundry day in and day out. All these mundane jobs of everyday life never seem to end.

My Tante (Aunt in Dutch), Wilma once told me, “Jeanette, love can be complicated but if you simply respect each other and have open communication and great sex in your marriage, you will do fine.”

Now, I blushed when she told me this, since I was only fourteen years old at the time. I kind of understood what she meant but I was a bit naïve at the time. I started thinking about marriage vows and what does the “I do” mean anyway? Maybe “I do” now but maybe “I don’t” want to later. I thought to myself, that’s not good to think that way and that’s how you end up in divorce. What about the “in sickness and in health”, “for richer or poorer”, “until death do you part” really mean? We all seem to understand the until death do you part, that usually happens when you get old and everyone hopes for the richer part instead of the poorer part but it’s the sickness part that you don’t really think about when you are young. I’m not talking about colds and measles and flu but the ugly kind of sickness like when you find out that your husband has a tumour the size of a grapefruit sitting on his stomach that is literally sucking the life out of him, it is hard to believe. How can this be? He is only forty-eight years old. “He’s bleeding internally”, says your family doctor. “He needs a blood transfusion and he needs it today. He failed his physical” “Pardon”, I say in disbelief. What did I just hear? It’s like someone kicking you as hard as they can and knocking the wind right out of you. The panic sets in and you can’t breathe. Tumour means cancer and that means death, so how do you get through this crisis?

Somehow, you muster up the strength to take him to the hospital and spend six hours in the Emergency Department for tests only to be refused the very blood transfusion that he so desperately needs. The doctors at the hospital don’t want to mask the problem until they find out what is really causing the haemoglobin to drop so much. So you go home, confused and upset because you’re told, “Come back tomorrow for more tests and in the meantime if things get worse, don’t hesitate to come back”. “Go home?” I say. “It’s 1:30 a.m. in the morning. Aren’t you going to keep him overnight to be on the safe side, he’s bleeding internally, don’t you remember?” The answer you get is “No, I’m sorry we don’t have enough beds; please bring him back in the morning.” All that goes through your mind at this moment is how all the government cutbacks don’t really affect you until a time like this. Now instead you go home disillusioned, try to sleep, get up exhausted and come back the next day for round two of tests and more waiting and not knowing what’s wrong and what to expect next. Oh how I long for a little piece of paradise. I would even settle for mundane duties at this time but instead I can’t sleep and my thoughts are jumbled and my heart is heavy.