If Love Can Last

“I’m sorry but I had to see you. I love you Carmen.” She looked down at her lap and played with her fingers. “Tavon, you have this bright future ahead of you with a contract. Once you sign your name you’re scot-free and that life you’re going for isn’t for me.” “What are you talking about? I already decided to be a pilot, you know that.” “No, don’t waste your time. Become a football player, you’re so good at it.” “I don’t understand where you’re coming from. What are you getting at?” “I can’t be with you anymore more.” Her words were like swords and they pierced my heart. I wanted to speak but my voice was stuck in my throat. I wanted to be strong about it but I could feel the tears formulating. Her head was still down. “You’re too young for me and now I realize that. This publicity wouldn’t look good when recruiters are watching you at your games.” She finally looked up and saw the tears leaking from my face. She looked away. “It was a mistake that day in the car. I’m sorry for leading you on this far but it’s time we both take a step back and notice where we need to be. I am truly sorry but you have to understand where I am sitting.” “I do understand but I can’t live… without you.” “Yes you can.” “But I don’t want to.” “You have to.” “Give me one good reason why I should.” “Because I’m not divorcing Erin. I’m going to stay with him and work things out.” “And what if it doesn’t work out?” “Then I’m going to continue my life without him.” “But can you continue your life without me?” She looked at me and I knew she didn’t want to leave me but I couldn’t understand why she would if she didn’t want to. “Yes I can.” “I… thought you loved me.” “I did but all that changed. I don’t love you anymore.” The correctional officer yelled fifteen minutes left. We sat silently for a moment. She couldn’t even look me in the eye. Depression was beginning to settle itself deep into my heart. “What has Erin done for you that I haven’t done triple times better, that would make you want to leave me?” “You’re too young you wouldn’t understand?” “Don’t give me that bullshit.” I said leaning closer to her. “Can you please not make this hard for me? I’ve made up my mind.” “Was I not good to you? Is it because I disappeared for a few days? If it is I’m sorry. I just needed to clear my head from Ariel so I can come back to you with no baggage, just me.” “You don’t need to explain anymore because it doesn’t matter.” “It does matter, you matter to me.” She place her hands back the table and focused on them. “You know how Erin used to treat you. I would never disrespect you the way he did, or degrade you like you’re not important to me. You’ve gave him his chance and he lost it. Why can’t I get a chance to show you how you should be treated? Let me prove to you that I can be better than him.” “Tavon, some decisions in life will seem outrages and it may hurt people but have great outcomes.” “What if this is a mistake?” “Then I’ll learn from it.” “Are you really willing to lose me forever?” “Tavon it was good while it lasted but now it’s time for me to go home to my husband. You were just a fantasy and I don’t have time to be chasing after a dream. You’re young, you can easily find a beautiful young lady.” “But I want you.” “Want is a desire, and everything you desire you don’t need.” Silence crowded us again. The officer yelled five minutes. “So I guess this good-bye.” She said dropping her head. “Do you really have no more feelings for me?” “No.” “Carmen, I love you.” I said taking her hand roughly. She turned her head away me. “I’m begging you not to leave me. I know in your heart you still love me. Please don’t make the biggest mistake of your life.” “I love Erin… and I have since junior year of high school. I can’t leave him. We have too much history together.” “Carmen if you let me walk out of your life I won’t turn back. I’ll walk away and be gone forever. I will never take you back.” She sat there silently. She looked down into her lap and that was all the answer I needed. The officer yelled time. I stood up and she looked me in the eyes. “I wish you the best Carmen. And I pray Erin doesn’t hurt you the way you just hurt me.” I turned around and went to the exit. My mind told me to walk away and forget but my heart said to look back at her for the last time and remember her forever. I thought walking away and forgetting seemed easier and painless, but to prove to myself that I would never turn back for her I didn’t turn around I just walked out. If I had listened to my heart and turned around I would’ve seen her mouth to me “I love you” as tears fell from her eyes.