By Any Means Necessary

Mankind is fascinated with stories of the rich and famous and how they came to be. Many of us have read countless biographies and autobiographies relating to the various trials and tribulations endured by society's famous individuals. We have examined their stories of the back-stabbing climb to the top of the corporate ladder or sleeping their way to a fantastic life of stardom. Few realize commoners suffer much the same life-altering treks as do the prominent figures, yet never get publicized until some heinous act brings them to the spotlight. The average person may face the same if not worse devastations in private and public defeats but are unnoticed and misunderstood. It took me years to deal with my demons internally but to put my story on paper exposed some things I either blocked out or wanted to forget. I found out by writing my story, I was not alone in what I went through in my life. There are countless others out there trying to work through a painful past and afraid to tell others. The truth, though painful as it was, had to be told. It may give me some closure to finally move on and forget the past. Perhaps some of those people who misjudge or persecute us will finally realize we are not villains and have something to contribute to this world. I’ve been treated for years as an outsider by some because they refused to acknowledge me. Maybe through this book I will get closure and can move forward. My family will probably never change but that doesn’t mean I have to continue to live by their rules and expectations. My previous books were educational in nature and referenced non-human animal welfare. I decided at age fifty, it was time to work in repairing myself. I needed to work on my own welfare so that I can be a stronger person and able to help other beings less fortunate than me. Suffering mentally and physically because of my past is only hindering me from my objectives. Let me share with you some of the roads I’ve travelled and how negotiating through life’s obstacles can threaten one’s continued existence. It could demonstrate our weaknesses as mortal humans surviving amongst a particularly cold and calloused world. I can infer that my behavior was molded through a culmination of many theories provided by the works of well known behaviorists and naturalists alike. Great minds concluded that our behavioral and evolutionary development has been characterized by nature and nurture in regards to how our species survives as a result. Behaviorist experts such as Ivan Pavlov (well renowned physiologist of the 1890’s) wrote that human behavior may be measured while our thoughts cannot. Through his research with dogs, he found that whenever the dogs saw food, they would salivate. He concluded this instinctive behavior was brought on by an unconditional response (salivation) from the stimuli (food) therefore was not a learned trait. However, after introducing events or items that would become associated with the stimuli (associating a bell or other item in conjunction with the food), then he would discover behavior could in fact be learned. His findings revealed that our behaviors can be conditioned with the simple introduction of different factors that stimulates our responses. Thus, the measuring of behavior could be achieved in both human and non-human animals. In the late 1950’s a famous British Naturalist named Charles Darwin focused on theories that greatly impacted evolutionary theory. Darwin’s findings recognized that individuals in a population are hereditarily varied and those who survived produced the next generation that best fit the current environment. He goes on to claim that favorable traits will accumulate while the unfavorable will eventually decline and be lost thus the theory of “survival of the fittest” was established. Do we have the inner strength to avoid antisocial behaviors that may emerge from these combinations of environmental influences, genome makeup and/or social upbringing as Darwin and others theorized thus supporting the basic principle that the sturdiest of the species will only prevail? I believe norms fluctuate due to inconsistencies within societal interpretations. Each day, month or year that passes reveals to me a never-ending disillusionment of humanity’s intentions. Does this lead me to believe that I am one of the weaker links and destined to fall? The moment I dared to shed my protective armor and embrace the world with optimism, I became a prey to a vast number of humans who found pleasure in causing pain and deception. Therefore, I routinely returned to a life of despair and defiance. Looking back, I sometimes chose poor coping mechanisms that nearly guided me into immediate self-destruction. I responded on several occasions to live life on my back both literally and figuratively. My decision to survive was perhaps based on the assumption that there is a greater purpose for me; to carry out some relevant and dramatic role which has been specifically choreographed for me though uncertain what exactly that is at the moment.