me on me

About the Book

Who do you think is going to read this?” my friend asks, throwing up her hands: “It’s your journals! Every little detail. Every lecherous fantasy, all your perversions, obsessions. Even dreams. Who gives a fuck? You’re not a famous person so who cares?

”I would have thought that my several long marriage-like relationships, twenty years in psychotherapy, careers in architecture, modern dance, fashion, filmmaking and decades of dedication to nutrition & exercise — would be foundation enough to give me a steady hand. That seems not to have happened.

I remain frightened of life, of people; any interaction provokes anxiety. Yet, I remain longing to be in the world. And in many ways, physically, I am. But inside, I’m still inside.

“Who cares?” my friend says. I care. I want out of my prison; out, to show myself in these journal-driven stories, where my fears and dysfunction are vivid and evident. However, I believe my writing expresses what we all feel subconsciously, then suppress, and is, therefore, interesting.

About the Author

I am a journal writer and have written consistently for twenty-five years and intermittently for fifty. From these hundreds of thousands pages I've culled fourteen stories which I offer here with my drawings.

I've lived most of my life in New York City but was European through my mid-teens. Today, at seventy-eight, I feel almost as confused and incapable of handling my life as when I was that teenager. I would have thought that my several long-term relationships, eighteen years in psychotherapy, careers in architecture, modern dance, fashion, film-making, and decades of dedication to exercise and nutrition – would be foundation enough to give me a steady hand. That seems not to have happened. I remain frightened of people, any interaction provokes anxiety. Yet, I long to be in the world and in many ways, physically, I am. But inside, I'm still inside.

"Who cares?" my friend asks. I care. I want out of this prison, my prison, to show myself in these journal-derived stories. My fears and dysfunction are vivid and evident; however, I believe, my writing expresses what we all feel subconsciously, then suppress, and is, therefore, interesting and relevant.

I crave transparency of myself, my self, and that is why I write.