Primal Man

Detective Graham Hunter sat alone in his office reading the file of Primal Man, the campus flasher at Delphi University. He was not enthusiastic about being assigned to this case, but he was resigned. The only way to receive a more important and interesting assignment was to expose the offender. There had been two incidents. Both times Primal Man wore nothing but a ski mask, gloves, and a black vinyl raincoat. To ensure that his victims took notice of his manliness he adorned his erect penis with a neon orange condom. He had not touched or spoken with either of his victims. Meekly, he had simply dropped an index card signed “Primal Man” at the feet of the victim. The messages contained both a maxim and a warning. The first card read: “Men are hunters; women are gatherers; gather yourself home.” The second card declared: “A woman needs a man to protect her; don’t leave home without one.” Hunter did not believe that Primal Man was dangerous. Not only were his messages fairly tame, but the victims described his demeanor as anxious and timid. His encounters were brief, allowing just enough time to flash the orange spear and leave his calling card before scampering into the forest. Unlike many exhibitionists he was not a risk taker. He did not expose himself in populated places; nor did he linger and talk with his victims. The flasher only confronted his victims in dark, isolated locations. Even though he had caused considerable emotional upset in his victims, Hunter doubted that Primal Man was capable of physical violence. Nevertheless, he wanted to catch the perpetrator soon. Not only was Hunter concerned about the women of Delphi University, but he knew that his fellow cops would continue to shower him with sarcasm until the case was solved. A package of orange condoms had already appeared on his desk with a simple note, “To a fellow dick.” Hunter left the precinct building at 8 pm ready for a good night’s sleep. However, Maria Flores, the local crime reporter for the Delphi Scribe, had other ideas. “Detective Hunter, can I buy you a drink?” “Ms. Flores, are you asking me out on a date?” “Don’t flatter yourself, Hunter. This is strictly business. I want to ask you about the campus flasher. My sources tell me you have been assigned the case.” “Maria, you know as much as I do. I haven’t interviewed anyone yet, and there is nothing in the files that hasn’t been released to the public.” The detective wasn’t being totally honest. The information about the orange condom had not been shared with the public, so that the police could distinguish any future actions by Primal Man from those of copycats. “Hunter, you’re lying, but I won’t pursue you tonight. I am too tired. I already have enough information for the lead article in tomorrow’s paper. We’ll continue this dance another time. Good night.” Too bad, thought Graham. He wouldn’t mind dirty dancing with Maria Flores. She was a bright, attractive woman whose reporting was fair and honest. He didn’t know much about her personal life except that she was a native of Chile. He didn’t think she was married (no ring), but was there a boyfriend? The thought of tangoing with Maria Flores in the future provided Graham with a whole new perspective regarding the case of Primal Man. Hunter defied the cultural stereotype of the hard-boiled, beer drinking, hot tempered detective. He abhorred violence of all kinds. He had been a conscientious objector during the Vietnam War and had performed his alternative service at a state mental hospital. Although he knew all of the “just war” arguments, he was not convinced. He had read too much history; he knew that millions had died needlessly in countless “just wars.”… Like his hero, Colin Dexter’s Inspector Morse, Graham was prone to brooding, depression, and insomnia. His tastes in music were more eclectic than those of Morse. In addition to classical music he listened to folk, country, and blues. He also studied philosophy. At night when sleep would not come, he would fantasize about how one of the great masters would tackle the practical problems of crime investigation that he faced every day. He found himself more aligned with Hume and the empiricists than rationalists like Descartes. It seemed incredibly foolish and arrogant to have more faith in your mind than your senses. Prejudices and prior experience colored the thought processes of most humans…. Still preoccupied with thoughts about Primal Man and Maria Flores, Hunter put on Bach’s Fifth Brandenburg Concerto. He could never articulate why he liked the chamber music of Bach so much. His themes were expressive but restrained by mathematical rules. Although Bach did not stir his emotions as much as Mahler, the music was more comforting. Sleep finally came as the concerto reached the finale.