I Wake to You

The silence was deafening as we stood face to face, John and I. He wouldn’t look at me. In fact, he refused to even take a glance at me. My heart was slowly shattering into pieces at the thought of us never being together again, never kissing each other again. It seemed like we were at the end of our rope. But something inside me told me that I needed to make myself full of determination. I was sure that I wasn’t going to let this accident ruin us. I was determined not to lose him. I could only hope his feeling would be mutual. Though I’d stood there, screamed at him, threw his life in his face, I hadn’t meant one single word.
 To be honest, I didn’t know what my intention was. Maybe, I was as angry as he was.
 Breaking the awkward silence, I opened my mouth.
 “Remember when you told me I’d run away John? Remember?” I said, nearly screaming it in his face.
 I talked as loud as could without yelling at him. He still wouldn’t look at me though. So, I got right up in his face, an inch between us. Slapping my hands against his chest, I tugged his shirt.
 “Remember when I was the one crying because I thought I’d lost you?”
 “Melanie, you just… you can’t…. be here. I can’t hurt you again! I won’t hurt you again!”
 “You’re not going to hurt me.” I said.
 “How can you be so sure, Mel? I can’t control it! I can’t control him! He’s like the devil on my shoulder!”
 “He doesn’t control you, Johnny.” I said softly, backing up.
 “You don’t know that!”
 Turning away from him, I felt the tears in my eyes all over again. We’d known each other for years and never ever once approached each other about our feelings. Things happened slowly for the both of us. He took his time showing me who he was, hiding certain things from me, and paving an easy road for a relationship. When we finally had a relationship with each other, things kept getting in the way. I mean, sure, we were happy for a while. I was always happy with Johnny, but then things changed.
 He changed.
 Putting my head in my hands, I tried stopping the tears from falling from my eyes, but I failed. The wetness struck my hands and I knew I’d been defeated by my own emotions.
 “I’m not going to let this tear us apart.” I said, turning around slowly to look at him, as I brushed off my cheeks.
 “But it already has can’t you see that?”
 “You bastard! You once asked me never to leave you! You said to me that I’d run if you told me what you could become. Did I run, Johnny? Did I?!” I screamed, shoving him again.
 “No, you didn’t run away from me. You did end our relationship though.” He said coldly.
 “You gave me no choice, Johnny! I wasn’t going to stay with you, as your girlfriend, if you were going to treat me like a piece of crap!”
 He turned his head, a dark chuckle radiating through his throat. A loud crack of thunder caused us both to look toward my living room windows. There was lightning in the sky, and pelting rain, falling against the pavement.
 “Look at me!” I screamed at him, rushing over to him and pounding my hands against his chest.
 He grabbed my wrists, holding them out in front of me, and I saw a hint of anger in his eyes that I’d never seen before.
 “You left me, John,” I said coldly, pulling my arms out of his grasp. “You left me and you promised me you never would! You promised me you’d stay with me no matter what! You promised me you’d protect me! You promised my brother.”
 That struck a pang of emotion in his face and I saw it appear. Like the bang bang of a gun, it shot right through him.
 “Yeah, ya know what?” he glared. “I promised your brother I’d never hurt you and that’s just what I did!”
 He took off before I could grab his arm, and in a second he was out my front door, into the rain. I raced after him, the pouring rain immediately soaking through my clothes. He was walking fast, I couldn’t keep up, but something hit him again and he stopped, slowly turning around.
 I froze.
 “How can you expect me to sit around in love with you and wait for that evil thing to come out of me again! How can you expect me to sit in my own mind watching myself hurt you!”
 “You don’t know what it’s like to sit and be screaming inside your own mind and no one can hear you. No one but YOURSELF!”
 “You’re right; I don’t know what it’s like.” I screamed back.
 There was no use in talking to each other, we were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, under the pouring roaring rain, and screaming was the only way our voices could be heard over the roar of the falling rain drops.
 “Do you know how many times my mind has reminded me that being with you is the ONLY thing keeping me alive inside? Keeping me sane? Your one touch… your one touch makes me crazy! It makes me want to live… I fly with you. I’m on a high with you. I love you too much to hurt you!”
 “Let me take that risk!”
 I walked toward him and grabbed his arm as he tried backing up. Tugging him against me, I looked up at him.
 “Let me take that risk with you, Johnny..”
 Softly, I pressed both of my hands against his cheeks and I could feel the tears coming from his eyes.
 “I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t wait for this to happen again! The hurt I’ve caused you… I can’t.” He backed up a little.
 “Johnny, kiss me. Kiss me right now!”
 He looked at me with those diamond eyes and I stepped forward, holding my hands against his chest, gripping onto his shirt.
 “You need to k—”
 His lips cut me off. His lips against mine. Pressed against mine. He was so angry his kiss showed it. I felt his arms wrap around me as he pressed my cold wet body up against his.
 There, under the cold, hard, rain his lips were the only thing that felt right… they were the only thing that made sense. I wasn’t going to let him go, not that easily. I said to him once that I’d never run away and I won’t now.