Revolving Doors

Chapter Two We enter the Gansevoort Hotel and take the elevator up to the penthouse. We are greeted by bouncers who are all wearing black-on-black. They ask us each for identification. I hand over my driver’s license and wonder if they actually think I’m under twenty-one or if they know upon first glance that I’m nearing thirty and simply ask the rote question due to potential vicarious liability. I quickly tell myself to shut the negative self-talk and remind myself that thirty is the new twenty five. The bar is very chic and trendy. I have lived vicariously through the lives of celebrities for far too long and read that this bar is known for beautiful people meeting, eating and hooking up. I pull my shoulders back and suck in my tummy as I look ahead with the most confident look I can muster. I survey the scene, observe the handsome mix of people and wonder whether my age is the majority. Tori, Kat and I walk past a group of young women and overhear their discussion about starting junior year at NYU. I don’t think I’ve ever felt older. Somehow I feel as if I’m transported back to middle school because the women all appear to be hanging out in little clusters, scoping out the territory, as are the men. A few have emerged from their cocoons and have commiserated with the opposite gender. We stride over to our reserved table outdoors where we have a perfect view of the New York City skyline. I fondly remember hosting my sister’s bachelorette party here as I take in the spectacular panorama. It was the perfect venue to bid farewell to her single days. I consider how inadequate I feel as I look out at the sea of beautiful, single people. During my six year relationship with Mark, I hardly went out. Partly because he was in Columbia Medical School and simply could not afford to take me out for dinner and drinks. Another reason was because I was a dumb ass. Yep, I said it. I felt guilty the few times I did go out without him because I knew he was studying fiercely back home. I also did not want to upset him and held true to the notion that someday he would pop the question. In retrospect, it seems all he did was study. The guy had a serious obsessive compulsive disorder. The first time I saw Mark was in college. I’ll never forget the day I laid eyes on him. I was in the cafeteria grabbing a cappuccino between classes and he looked like he had just returned from football practice. He was sweaty and looked incredibly rugged and sexy, like the Brawny Paper Towel man, minus the beard and plaid flannel shirt. He was smiling down at a group of girls who looked up at him adoringly. He was simply hot. The worst part is that he knew it. It wasn’t until a year and a half after our graduation from Columbia that we officially met through a mutual friend. I was at a U2 concert with Kat when I spotted Mark with a political science classmate I befriended in college named Rick. “Kat, I have to say hi to someone. Be right back.” I said as I quickly took off. “Where the heck are you going?” her voice trailed off as I disappeared into the mass of concertgoers. I didn’t answer her. I knew I had to meet this hot man and I couldn’t think of a better way of accomplishing this goal. I walked up to Rick and saw Mark check me out with approval and interest. “Rick! How are you? I haven’t seen you since graduation!” I said. We gave each other a deep hug. “Mary Ann! What a nice surprise!” Rick got a nudge from Mark. I knew he wanted an introduction. “This is my buddy Mark. He’s also Columbia alum.” “Really?” I acted surprised and pleased. I extended my hand and flashed a warm smile. I mentally thanked God for giving me the foresight to straighten my hair that morning. “Hi, I’m Mark,” he said to me. God he’s gorgeous, I thought to myself. His blue eyes pierced through me. His handshake was that of a man’s with a purpose in life. Not sweaty, soft, and wimpy like others. “Mary Ann, it is nice to meet you.” Our eyes locked. “When did you graduate Columbia?” he asked me. “Last year. I’m teaching in the Lower East Side. How about you?” I asked with clear interest. “I graduated last year as well. I’m working now for a pharmaceutical company in the city. It’s not what I want to do. I’m just saving money before starting medical school.” “Smart move and very impressive,” I told him with a smile and a nod. He smiled back at me and I felt my heart flutter. It seemed obvious to me that he enjoyed my attention. I felt a nudge on my shoulder. I looked over and saw a concerned look on Kat’s face. Her eyes followed Rick, then Mark and finally me. As if I could read her mind, she smiled at me and figured what I was up to. “Guys, this is my dear friend Kat. She’s the lone wolf of the group. She went to NYU.” Rick and Mark introduced themselves. Before I knew it, we were all engaged in separate conversations. After we entered the arena, Mark approached us at our seats and asked if we wouldn’t mind sitting closer to the stage with him and Rick. The seats next to theirs weren’t claimed for yet, he explained. Kat pulled me over to her as we followed Mark and whispered into my ear, “You better make a play on the tall hunk, or I’ll have to smack some sense into you, girl!” I pulled away from her and smile slyly. “That’s part of the game plan!” The concert was better than expected. The music was amazing and Bono’s voice was electrifying. Meeting Mark was certainly a pleasant surprise. We stood close to one another throughout the whole concert. It was pure heaven. As we reentered the parking lot of Giants Stadium, Mark got hold of my hand and pulled me about three feet away from Kat and Rick. “I would really like to see you again,” he told me with an urgency in his eyes that made my knees want to buckle and fall to the floor. “That would be nice,” was all I could muster. We exchanged phone numbers and he gave me a peck on the cheek. We walked back to our friends and said goodbye. Needless to say, Kat grilled me the whole ride home. “How could you have graduated the same year and never met or took a class?” she asked me in shock. “How on earth were we ever going to meet?” I retorted. “First off, Columbia’s a huge school. Also, I was a commuter, held part-time jobs, was a political science major while he was a pre-med student.” “Yeah…I guess you’re right,” she pondered. “I do like the way you improvised that introduction, though. A stroke of pure genius and kismet at its best, my friend.” “Uh huh. Let’s see if he calls,” I told her, partly with worry. “Oh, he will. He was into you all night,” she assured me. Mark did call and yes, we did go out. It was a cheap date, but what the heck did I know? What I knew with absolute certainty was that a really hot, super smart guy thought I was pretty enough to go out with, even though I had to squeeze into a size twelve pair jeans for the date. Again I perused the crowd at The Gansevoort. We all ordered Sangria Cosmos. “I can’t believe I have to do this all over again,” I told Kat and Tori with desperation. “Mark and I were supposed to get married, live in a big house in the suburbs and have two adorable kids.” Tori looked at me and told me through measured words, “If you were supposed to get married, you would have been married by now. You have to thank God you had enough sense to leave him.” “I know…. but I miss him,” I told them sadly. “Mary Ann, how could you possibly miss someone who chose to spend absolutely no time with you? You’re holding onto the first couple of months of your relationship, which by the way, was when he roped you in with his charm. You miss the idea of him,” Tori explained. I knew Tori was on point. Not because she’s a therapist and has studied and counseled hundreds of people, but because I know this to be the truth. Yet, I chose to ignore this fact for far too long. “Putting that aside, he was egomaniacal and abusive!” Kat countered. “You should feel sorry for the next woman he ropes in. He’ll p