My Life, My Story

Chapter 1 Abuse In The Home I’m sure by reading this chapter title, one would think I was the one being abused, but this chapter explains how I lived with a man that beat my mother right in front of my brother and I. I think I was around the age of ten when I saw this man slap my mother so hard her glasses fell off of her face onto the freeway. Unfortunately we could not afford to get mommy a new pair so what did that mean? Back to the freeway to look for mommy’s glasses while this man sat drunken and cursing my mother out. I never understood why she let herself go through the pain and agony. I don’t really remember why my “dad” and mom were arguing. I do remember sitting in the back seat watching my mother’s head swivel around because she was so frustrated and him. This man I looked to as my father. I never knew my father so he was the closest love I found to a father. Mystical was his name. He was a drunk so I was always wondering which person he would be day to day. I remember the smells of alcohol on his breathe. It was this time I learned about Colt 45 and Heineken. One day he was teaching me how to tie my shoes and the next he was beating my mother. He tried not to do it in front of me; he would often wait until I was asleep at night. I still loved him as a person. I was confused because he always told me he loved me. Why did he have to beat my mother? My mother was so beautiful, but where was her strength? Did she want her kids to see her treated this way? My mother was such a mystery. She spoke up for herself and was very independent, but people were her weaknesses. I saw her stand up and defend my brother and me, but why could she not defend her own life? I remember my mother telling me she blames her childhood for the life she ended up living. For the decisions she was forced to make, but more over the person whom she had become. Chapter 2 When It All Began I believe at the age of 12 I knew what it meant to be alone. Coming home after school where my mother would be and soon my little brother getting off the three o clock bus. This particular day my clothes were packed in black bags sitting at the end of the stairway. I remember seeing my aunt Aleese’s car parked in front of the yard. I didn’t think anything of it but she normally was not there after school. As I walked into the house I remember looking into the eyes of my mother as she told me just to keep packing my clothes. Her eyes looked blood shot red and her mood seemed sad and of disappointment. I asked over and over again what was going on and why my clothes were packed. My aunt Aleese informed me I was just going to stay at her house for a couple of days. That was cool for me because Aunt Aleese was always the cool aunt, easy to talk to and very down to earth but did I really need all of clothes packed? My brother walked in the door soon thereafter. He had the same look of confusion in his eyes. My mother still not wanting to spill out the plans finally decided to give in. She sat me and my brother down in the room and closed the door tightly behind her. “Eb and Tahj, I am going away for a little while to get some help, I tried crack and I need to get it out of my system before I become addicted to it. Eb you are staying with aunt Aleese for a year and Tahj you are staying with your father’s brother Lamar. This is only for a year so I can get better, your aunt and uncle will have custody of you both, now give each other a hug and kiss because you are leaving each other”. And that is how it all began. Little did I know that soon feelings of confusion, deceit, anger, and mostly loneliness would begin to consume my heart, emotions and state of mind. Chapter 3 Rough Teen Days I moved to Bremsville, New York away from the family and friends that I was so use to being around daily in Collier, New York. I was away from the life that I had known. The streets, the hookups, the people hollering my name and asking where my mother was, chasing the ice-cream man, avoiding the big bully on the corner, and me and Tahj riding bikes to the store to get candy with mommies food stamps. Within the first couple of weeks of being with my aunt, she got my hair done every two weeks, changed my entire wardrobe, (whatever I had left of one) taught me how to speak properly and to properly take care of myself. I was still allowed to go to my old school because it was in the middle of the school year and she didn’t want to change me that much. I can remember how all of my friends commented on my new clothes and hair, even the teachers, but this life was foreign to me. About four months into it I ended up changing schools and now went to new a school in Bremsville. Being in my teen years I began to try to be the life of the party wherever I went. People didn’t know that inside I was hurting and jealous they had a family and I didn’t. I began to get interested in boys and acted out with hugging and kissing in the beginning. Later on I indulged in the infamous “fingering” and flashing boys during lunch time. Was I lost and was trying to find myself? No. I was just hurt and hadn’t really been taught the love a father teaches his daughter. No man told me to cherish my body, and that I was a lady and my body was my special temple. Nope, I hadn’t heard that yet. I guess you could say I began to use my body to get attention from the guys. It was easy and I knew I was cute because my aunt always kept me in the flyest clothing. No I never lost my virginity, I just engaged in something that we liked to call “dry humping” at the time. Kind of funny now that I say it back to myself. I remember I liked a different boyfriend each week, and I had those boys so head over heels for me.