why why God why?

I was having a stressful day at work, and decided to retreat to the house for some quiet time. After arriving home and changing clothes, I went for a walk on the trails in my back yard and adjoining woods. The yard was like a nature park, with many trees and all the wild animals you’d expect to find in a wetland area. I walked down the path, through the arbor, and over a small bridge that crossed a running brook. I then went upstream past the striped bass, rabbits, raccoons, and woodpeckers, until I finally arrived at a big tree that had fallen over the brook, where I took my rest.

As I was sitting on this fallen tree watching the water flow underneath me, I started to rethink my day—my life, really. No one was going to ask anything of me now, but I had some questions of my own that only God could answer. So, I started to pray out loud, telling God what was not right in my life. I was angry about it, too. Over my lifetime, I had been mistreated, used, lied to, lied about, manipulated, conned, broken-hearted, cheated, excluded, not included, looked down on, ridiculed, stolen from, robbed, and much, much more than what can be listed here, leaving me feeling oppressed and depressed, to say the least.

My question to God was, “Why? Why, I ask? Why am I continuously in these situations in my life? Why am I struggling with my job? I’m a good guy. So, why don’t people accept me? The Christians act as if they are too good for me, and the worldly people won’t associate with me, either.”

People have always said I was unique and different. But, let me tell you, being special is not what it’s cracked up to be, especially when you’re the one left outside looking in.

I continued again, “Why am I not married and not even in a relationship? Why am I not loved? Where are my children—my little boy and girl? Why? Why God? Why?”

Meanwhile, as I was expressing my great pain with God, I poked a stick into the sandy brook below. Jabbing the stick deeper and deeper with every complaint, my stick hit something in the sand and it moved!

It was springtime, and I had yet to see my first alligator turtle of the season, so I worked to get it up. After a moment of digging, the turtle came out of the sand, and I flipped it up onto the little sand bar in front of me. To my surprise, it was not a turtle at all. It was just a piece of driftwood—nothing more. Being disappointed that it was not a turtle, the “why” questions started, again.

I asked, “Why couldn't this have been a turtle? You are God of the universe and Creator of all things. You could have easily done this for me. God, I’m not at ease with my life. Why is everything going wrong? Why has my life been such a hard road with no rest? Why? Why God? Why?”

As I was asking my questions, I found myself staring at this piece of driftwood, which, until now, was just a simple piece of wood, with no value and no shape to it. I can’t really explain it, only to say, the longer I looked at it, the more it seemed to have meaning. I don’t mean it moved or was molded into a shape before my eyes, but it was as if that is what happened. Because, after a few minutes, I stopped speaking and the driftwood took shape.

What shape did it take? It was the most perfect question mark I had ever seen, including a stylish dot at the bottom. I mean, if God were to make a question mark of driftwood, this is what it would look like. In fact, I’m saying this is exactly what He did. And, He did it for me right there in the middle of my questions to Him. He sent a question to me made of driftwood.

Suddenly, but softly, God in Spirit revealed His presence, and I realized my question was not the only question on the table, or sand bar, in this case. God was asking me a question. God, the Creator of all things, had delivered to me the perfect question mark made of wood. Now, as I was sitting on that fallen tree, I was being asked a question.

What better way to get my attention than this? What better way to get me to come to my senses than to ask a question that would bring me to the conclusion He wanted? There are many examples in the Bible where God uses questions in order to get people to self actualize.

Realizing God Himself was really here with me and had showed up to answer my questions was very overwhelming. His presence is large to a point of not being able to measure or explain. God is Spirit, and was speaking directly to my spirit. I didn’t see with my eyes, nor hear with my ears, but my spirit man knew Him well.

Understanding this was a real moment in the presence of God, where God was now asking me a question. This was quite the turn around He must have wanted. My emotions and spirit were humbled to a place of receiving His words.

However, I did not know the question God was asking. So, partly in fear and partly in eager anticipation, yet, filled with great expectations, I asked, “What are you asking me, God?”

Then, God simply gave His question to me, just as I had given Him my question,