Exposed
A Real Life in Real Words
by
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I Gotta Know Who am I? The apple eater? A faithful one or a cheater? Am I a talker or a doer? One minute I’m swimming in life’s wishing well and the next, drowning in it’s sewer. Am I the follower or a leader? At times I’m selfish, at times I’m my brother’s keeper. Is it possible for one being to house oppositional ingredients? The recipe for a two-fold entity under all the hats of responsibilities in a corner of the basement of one’s sanity. That lower level of one’s personality. Is it possible? Controlled chaos is what you’re seeing A habitat of conflict I’m an analytical being. “Thou shalt not”, but I do all the time. Organized disorder is what you’re seeing A bewildered poetic soul who’s lost within her own skin. Don’t know what started the contradiction between what beats and what thinks what my heart assumes, my brain knows what my heart overlooks, my brain sees clearly. Feelings and thoughts out of sync internal compatibility the missing link. What I feel is the result of how I think so the misdirection of my perception is what has me on the brink of self destruction. Collected confusion is what you’re hearing A barely sane savvy carcass of controversy who’s thirsty from the search. Need to go to church but too busy on the run . Need to be quench but easier to walk the fence light and dark sweet and sour embodied in one misunderstood by everyone so… I’m trying to explain!!! Spiritually destitute (I’m specific about my word use) living like money, things, and people are sufficient substititutes, avoiding His pursuit cause I want the easy way out a drive-thru breakthrough. AND I wanna make substitutions when I choose to because what you’re serving that day may be hard to swallow. I don’t want the lesson, just the blessing on the go. I’m trying to explain!!! This insidious conflict, my most difficult struggle the heart keeps me puzzled the mind keeps Him muzzled while the venom of uncertainty flows through my veins. I’ve been many except for who I really am. Can’t find me underneath all the “me’s” I’ve had to be so my words will be the breadcrumbs in the forest of mystification. Each time I spit it’s a step closer to my identification . I’m on my way, knowing more today than I did yesterday. So I’ll continue my flow because I gotta know!!!
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About the Book
Exposed: A Real Life in Real Words began as a small project for author Annette Russell’s family and friends, but it became a collection of poems telling her life story. She wants them to know where she is in life and who she is; she wants them to understand her. She chronicles her ups and downs in her walk with God, and she explores her feelings and her personal experiences. She describes how she strayed in her walk with God; she felt lost and alone, and the farther she strayed, the more she wrote. Her collection took on a life of its own, and the words began to set her free. The poems began to heal her by allowing her to “see” things—buried things, painful things, everything! Exposed is a blunt and heartfelt collection of poems that invites you into the heart and mind of a woman trying to find her way in life. Untitled He’s here, I know he’s here … he’s everywhere. He sees, I know he sees … he sees everything. He hears me, I know he hears me … he hears everyone. He knows what I need, I know he does … he knows everything. He’s in control, but I think that I am! He loves me … but I don’t always believe that. He’s using me … but I can’t perceive that. He’s working on me … but I don’t deserve that. He’s waiting for me … but I can’t find my way back. He’s in control, but I think that I am!
About the Author
Annette Russell, a.k.a. Flowatress, is originally from South Philadelphia and now resides in Lebanon, Pennsylvania, with her three daughters. She is a licensed practical nurse specializing in pediatric home care. She is an avid reader who enjoys spending time with family and friends. Publishing a book of poetry is her personal goal.