What Does Polyamory Look Like?
Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships
by
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You may be happily single with no intention of forming a major partnership, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t like having love in your life. Or you may be single and dating, contemplating what you really want in a relationship. You may be in a new relationship in which you’re fantasizing and pondering about what type of life commitments you want to make. This is a great time to look at various options so you can make conscious, informed choices rather than just signing up for the Sears Roebuck standard model of family because it’s there, you’re familiar with it, and it’s the one your parents had. Some people simply buy the car their dad drove, but a lot more spend time looking around the lot to check out what makes and models are available and what features best fit their tastes and needs. Isn’t your romantic relationship more important than your car? Some of you are currently in a monogamous relationship but contemplating opening it up to include other loves, and wondering how that might work for you. Maybe your partner has suggested opening up your currently monogamous relationship, and you’re not sure if that’s a good idea, or can’t quite visualize what life would look like with additional lovers involved with one or both of you. You may be, quite frankly, terrified at the very notion. Maybe you’ve tried poly and it didn’t work for you, but you like some aspects of the concept and are curious as to whether there are other ways you might have created and organized your relationship, or future relationships, that would work better for you. Perhaps you’ve heard the word but can’t quite picture what polyamory is, or how it works in real life. Or you might have a friend or family member who is in a relationship with more than one person and you’d like to learn how such a weird arrangement works, but don’t want to ask probing questions. Finally, you may be a total cynic and think polyamory couldn’t possibly work for anyone, or at least not for you. You may even think any form of non-monogamy is downright disgusting, a wicked, lascivious lifestyle you’d like to learn more about so you can argue against it more knowledgably, and warn your children about its evils. Hey, you’re more than welcome to our discussion. We don’t think poly is the best lifestyle, any better than any other honest, loving way of living. And we certainly don’t think it’s for everyone! If, when you finish reading, you still think we’re wicked, awful folks, we’ll still respect your freedom to feel that way, our only hope being that you’ll understand us a bit better, whether or not you accept us and our lifestyle. Then perhaps you’ve never heard of polyamory, but are just curious and picked up this book because you liked the illustrations on the cover. Whatever your reasons and whatever your goals, we welcome you to the discussion table.
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About the Book
“Finally, a book that explores what it truly means to be polyamorous by exploring the wonderful variety of poly relationships. Only through understanding poly’s innate diversity can one grasp what open relationships can off er. Th ank you, Mim, for a book that is relevant and useful, as polyamory moves out of the shadows and into the mainstream of society. It is an important resource for anyone who wishes to understand the growing poly movement as it changes our society and challenges our presumptions about relationships. Bravo!”
Robyn Trask, Executive Director of Loving More Non-Profit and Magazine
What is your relationship dream, and what options are out there to choose from? We’re familiar with monogamy, but what additional models of loving and living are offered by polyamory, and what do they look like in action? How is polyamory different from polygamy, swinging, or “cheating”? What new forms of etiquette are needed in order to nurture polys’ varied forms of family? Is it really possible to have a relationship in which love does not equal possessiveness?
“Any relationship, from monogamous marriage to business enterprise to polyamorous family, will benefit from the practical relationship advice found within the covers of this well-written little book.”
Matthew C. Cox, Life Coach and Author of Living the Southwest Lifestyle
“Just the right balance between information, candor, and lightheartedness.”
Dr. Fred Hillman, GLBT activist and retired Family Therapist
“Don’t let the size of this little book fool you. What Does Polyamory Look Like? is chock full of information about how to build honest, loving, and lasting relationships. Therapists and educators, take note! Dr. Chapman dispels the myths of polyamory and teaches us all about how to create and sustain the relationships of which we’ve dreamed.”
Sera Miles, Director of New Mexico FetLifers
About the Author
Mim Chapman, PhD is an educator, a learner, and a change agent. She has been polyamorous her entire life, since before the word was coined, and has presented keynotes and workshops at many national and local poly conferences. Her creative educational skills led to her being chosen the Alaska “Curriculum Leader of the Year,” Toastmaster’s “Communicator of the Year,” and the YWCA/British Petroleum “Woman of Achievement.” She is an officer of Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness, a member of the Board of Directors of Loving More, and is the co-founder and host of the New Mexico Polyamory Discussion Group.
Mim does relationship coaching in person and via phone, is an active sex educator, and travels extensively providing diversity/anti-harassment training, Myers-Briggs seminars, future search retreats, executive mentoring, and other consulting services for business and education through her private consulting firm, MIMCO.