365 Random Thoughts

When you buy stock in a company that makes diapers, it’s hard to time the bottom. Aging gracefully is difficult. I’ve gone from riding scooters with a Duchess to visiting Hooters on crutches. Politicians buy votes by promising to spend government money. That's why the USA must eventually go broke, like California -- because good politics is bad economics, and good economics is bad politics. Why don't I believe in astrology? --Because I’m a Taurus. We’re skeptical. A travel tip. If you ever find yourself among a tribe of cannibals and learn that they also practice circumcision, do not eat the onion rings. Beaches keep banning thongs -- with no bottom in sight. For a romantic movie to work for women, they have to like the idea of sex with the leading man; to work for men, vice versa. “Titanic” worked for women but not so much for men. Kate Winslet was no Raquel Welch or Sophia Loren. And if she gained any more weight, James Cameron would have reshot the movie with Kathy Bates as Rose Dawson and released it as “Thigh-tanic.” When a health insurance company refuses to pay for a colostomy, who's left holding the bag? After Lady Diana died, I invented a tacky drink called the “Paparazzi.” A shot of Crown Royal with a chaser. ....