Radical Family Workbook and Activity Journal for Parents, Kids and Teens

Introduction: Welcome! I am so excited that you are taking this leap. The Radical Family Workbook will be challenging, but incredibly rewarding, fun and inspiring. Myself, Vanessa Van Petten and 20 of my teen interns created it. In this series, we put together 30 sessions worth of challenges and activities to help your family re-start, re-energize and re-connect. In each session, families will get a set of challenges, materials and action steps to do for about 30 minutes. Families can work through the Radical Family Workbook at their own pace! You could do a session every day or one every three months! This is for families with children of all ages. Younger children can even participate in many of the activities and family bonding times. Structure: The book is broken into 30 sessions. You can complete these at your own pace. It is best if you can do these on a consistent schedule, whether that is once a week, once a month or every other month. Continuity helps you not forget what you have been working on. We also recommend skimming ahead and previewing some of the topics just to get an idea of the cool stuff you have ahead. When you are ready to do a session: 1) Sit down with your entire family in a quiet and comfortable place. 2) Fill in the date before each session. You want to remember when you completed each task so when you read this journal years down the line you can remember when you were completing it! 3) Read the short introductory paragraph about the goal of the session and what you should keep in mind. 4) Complete the tasks and activities listed for you. 5) Journal: When you see the “Journal:” mark, you want to read the questions and either write in your answers in your personal journal or just discuss your answers. 6) Read and plan how you will complete your homework assignments which are listed at the end of each session. Remember this is all at your own pace. If there is a question or topic you are uncomfortable with, feel free to change it, modify it or skip it. The goal of this workbook is to get your family to bond, grow and reconnect. *We do leave some space within the book to answer the journals and questions, but you might want to consider getting an extra blank pad of paper for each family member to keep with the Radical Family Workbook and answer the journal questions there so you have plenty of space! Session 2: Family Meeting Essentially, each family session is a family meeting. We hope that you will carry on the family meetings even after you are done with all of the activities in this workbook. Our teens suggested that each family meeting should have a basic structure. In this session we will set up how you want your family meetings to run and then begin to carry out those tasks before you do the activities in future sessions. Family meetings are crucial because: -They keep communication open -You can stay updated on every family member’s needs -It is a great moment to look back at what has happened in the past month for your family -They help you make the next month better! Task 1: Go through what we recommend for every family meeting and our sample agenda. What Every Family Meeting Should Have: 1) Announcements and Check-in 2) Review of Goals 3) Complaints and grievances? 4) Kudos and Rewards (5) Session Video, Assignments) 6) Goals for next month 1) Announcements and Check-in: The meeting should start off with everyone going around and saying if they have any announcements. This is also a time for them to reflect about their month. **One of the major parts of family-check-ins is teaching kids to be able to reflect on what is going on for them. This helps them check-in with themselves, be grateful and appreciate the moment.** If you have a teen or child who insists that “there are no announcements or updates and the month was ‘fine’” then I would build in discussion points. Like having everyone rate their month from 1-5 and telling the high point, the low point and a random fact…this gives them something to focus on. 2) Goals: This is a really important part of family meetings. Teaching kids how to make goals is an important skill. I think the family as a whole can also have goals. We have a few full sessions on goal making coming up. When going around each person should talk about their goal and their progress on it. Someone can take notes in your goal log (explanation to come) to keep track of progress. 3) Complaints and Grievances: This is an essential part of the meeting. This can be difficult to hear, but it is important to teach your kids how to exercise their anger or frustration in a constructive and helpful way. Go around in a circle and have people bring up issues, or events that have upset or bothered them in the last month. Then it is important for all family members to talk them through and see how it would be better for next month. In my family, it went something like this: Brother: “I am upset because I feel like I am two years older than Vanessa, but she still gets to go to bed at the same time as me. I did not have that when I was her age.” Mom: “Ok, what time did you go to bed when you were her age? And what time would you like to go to bed? Vanessa would you be upset about going to be 30 minutes earlier?” Vanessa: “Yes! I do not want to go to bed at 10:30, I need my 11pm bedtime for homework.” Mom: “I do not think it is fair to lessen Vanessa’s bedtime after she has already had 11pm and I think 11:30pm is too late for you.” Dad: “How about you can stay up to 11pm only if you are reading or doing homework. Robert can stay up until 11pm, but he can watch TV before bed because he is older.” This compromise really helped everyone feel heard and avoided fights at 10:30pm at night when my brother thought it was unfair that I was staying up. Everyone should go around and list any complaints or grievances. 4) Kudos and Rewards: This is when everyone goes around and has to give someone kudos for something, like picking up laundry, making curfew on time or maintaining their goal. Rewards are usually dolled out by parents and this depends on the family. Sometimes this was going out for donuts after the meeting, sometimes this is when my parents would announce a family vacation or hand out allowance. 5) Stay consistent: If you are going to do this, do it well! Do it every month no matter what (we have done them in airports) and make sure to stick to the agenda. Make sure everyone participates and set a good example with your goals. This is the same principal as being consistent with the family activity book. 6) Make your tweaks: If you are going to make new rules and you have had trouble keeping them in the past, consider: -Parent kid contracts -A family bulletin board. -Email alerts and reminders and program them in together. -Talking stick. If you have a loud family, have a talking stick so no one can talk over each other. -Start your meeting with a silly question, conversation starter or icebreaker. Again, every person is different, make family meetings personalized to your family. This is a great way to maintain close bonds and communication with family members. The typical family meeting agenda should accompany the activities for that session that we assign for you. Do you want to do anything special in your meetings that we have not listed here? Task 2: Fill in the “Our Family Meeting Agenda” in the Tools Section. Write what you want to do and a short description of each activity so you can use it in future meetings in case you forget. Task 3: Actually carry out the items on your family meeting agenda for the first time. Skip the goals section until we get to the goals session! We always leave you space to take notes on your family meetings. This helps later to follow up with family members and also is fun when looking back at the journal for what was going on for each family member at this point in their lives. Family Meeting