Dating The Other Color and His Mother

I went through this for six years before my husband and I got married. My husband’s mother did not want me in her house. She would not talk to me or welcome me at family functions. In fact, she treated me inhumanly. For years and years, I had to put up with the rude, racial comments she would make about me as she denied me access to her house—even her guest bathroom. She did not even want my car in her driveway. Yes, shocking but all so true. And did I mention for six years I dealt with this? Yes, six years. Oh, I mustn’t forget to let you know that I am African American, and my husband is Cuban American. The fact that her son was dating an African American was definitely something she was not too fond of. While going through this, I felt so lost, and I would constantly search for advice. I would even search for books and Web sites that would tell me how to deal with this unfortunate situation. Whenever I went to the bookstores, all I would find were fictional stories about interracial couples. The novels always had the same scenario: a black man dating a white woman and being bad-mouthed by other black women. Never did I find a self-help book to lend me realistic advice on what to do in certain situations I found myself in with his mother. I wanted to hear how other women in my same predicament had dealt with their respective “mothers.” Did they confront them about their racism? Did they stand up for themselves in the face of disrespect? Or did they just ignore the ignorance. I had to learn on my own how to deal with the ignorance of racism coming from the mother of the man I love. Believe me, it’s not the same as dealing with the racism you encounter on the streets. If some random person makes a racial comment while you and your man are out to dinner, you would (without doubt) set that person straight. But you can’t necessarily do that when dealing with the mother of the person you love. You have to show respect at all times (we will discuss this later). Respect for his mother is a must. So, I would love to share some of the realistic situations that I have been through with his mother, and, in the process, lend you some key advice on how to date the other color and his mother.