Love Won’t Let Me Be Silent

I’ve been quiet all my life and when I think about the reasons for not speaking… I feel foolish and embarrassed that I let my voice be silenced! How could I allow my soul, my emotions and the essence of who I truly am to be buried beneath the expectations of others just to please them and make them feel comfortable? How could I buy into the philosophy that if I don’t look like them, walk like them, talk like them and act like them that I am somehow strange, awkward or some freak anomaly that needs to be corrected or fixed? And why would I want to be a clone anyway? Why would anyone want to be a clone of an image that really isn’t a true reflection of masculinity? Makes me wonder what is wrong with us…what has bewitched us into thinking that every flower in the garden has to look the same and smell the same and if it doesn’t it must be immediately plucked out of the garden and discarded to avoid embarrassment! Isn’t diversity the thing that makes the bouquet beautiful and palatable to the human eye and sense of smell; and since I am certain that this is true, then why do we resist change so much? Why are we so afraid to let ourselves be and allow others to do the same? Then when life becomes boring and unfulfilling to us, we become perplexed and wonder just what is wrong and why our lives seem meaningless, without purpose or a sense of direction. How can it have direction when most of our time and energy is aimed at fixing what we think are faults in other people. How can their ever be any time for our own self-improvement? But now that I think about it…that may be the reason for doing what we do. Maybe it is too painful to examine the flaws in our own character, and too disheartening to accept the reality that many of our dreams have gone unfulfilled, and our own plans gone awry; so instead we commit ourselves to sabotaging the dreams of others by destroying them with our words and disapproving glances. How can we so easily accept the fact that everyday some mother or some father’s child is picked on at school, beaten up in an alley, belittled on a school bus, raped, murdered and left to die on a lonely street because they want to dance on a stage instead of playing basketball on a court or football on a field. Instead, they want to design clothing or sculpture beautiful masterpieces rather than join the military and tote a gun. But still we claim to know the meaning of love and yet we deceive ourselves into believing that because we claim to love them it is somehow our duty to re-define their masculine image to protect them; when in reality we only want to protect our public image so the people in our neighborhood and church congregation won’t gossip or talk about us behind our backs when they discover our child is clearly not like the others. Something inside of me wants to scream and say to the parent of every gay child, to everyone that knows anyone who is gay “You have no right to tell us you love us because love is not unkind, it is not jealous, it is not self-centered or self-seeking. Love is not irritable and keeps no record of wrong, does not rejoice at injustices, but instead rejoices in the truth! Love never loses faith, and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance." Knowing this truth, how can we say we love those who we refuse to accept because they are not what we hoped they would be, though we carried them in our womb for nine months or protected them in the formative years of their lives; only to discover that they are a gift to us from a Omniscient Being, who has bequeathed for them a divine destiny and design for his glory and honor and not necessarily ours. I have been silent too long and now the time has come for my personal revolution. I must free myself from the chains that have bound me for years and bask in the light of true emancipation. I must arise, and liberate myself from every limitation placed upon me by my captives, who themselves are loss and misguided. There is a chant, a victorious sound emanating from my spirit within, saying arise, “You survived the worst of times… God was always on your side. Stake your claim, write your name. The wait is over walk into your season!” I will no longer be silent. I will no longer tolerate injustice! I will no longer allow anyone to rob me of purpose, life or happiness. I will not be silent another day, not another hour, not another minute! This will astound and baffle the masses (that's one thing I am sure of) and that is okay. And when I see a child that is suffering at the hand of a homophobic abuser or see a teen who is rejected and contemplating suicide; or a woman or man who is being attacked on the street just because they are being who they were meant to be, I will not stand by and do nothing any longer, for LOVE won’t let me be silent!