Chasing Normal

Joel ♂ Eve leaned back into the Jeep, further this time. All of us leaned with her to the left to get a better look. We kept quiet—hoping she wouldn’t hear us at the window—as she carried another two boxes and came back one last time to throw a duffle bag over her shoulder and strain to haul a heavy suitcase from the back of the Jeep. She struggled, bending to the ground a few times and giving us an eyeful. Her loose pants shifted lower around her hips—Trey let out a low whistle of awe, which we all thought but didn’t act on—and she stopped to hike them up again. She stopped partway up the walk and stood frozen, glancing around her, then continued quickly into the house. “Uh oh. I think she saw us.” “She didn’t see us.” “She glanced over here.” “She can’t see us. The sun is shining in the wrong direction.” “And there’s a glare on the window.” “I swear she looked right at me.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” “Hot.” “Uh huh.” “What color are her eyes?” “Christ,” I finally said. “You guys act like you’ve never seen a woman before.” “You’re getting in on the view, too, Joel, so shove it.” I folded my arms across my chest without a word. Arguing would mean walking away from the window. What guy in his right mind would leave this scene willingly? We watched a while longer, waiting for her to reappear. “Do you have any binoculars?” asked Trey. I didn’t grace Trey with an answer, only sighed at the thought that these were actually my friends. I laughed inside and headed back toward the sofa. Raif turned toward me. “So, when are we going for the tractor?” Eve ♀ I stalked along the side of the house with flaring nostrils and a fire lit at my feet. I held a water hose and nozzle in one hand, my other balled into a fist and thrashing at my side as I moved up the side of the house. What the hell kind of immature little boys sheepishly watch a woman from the window? And binoculars now? Didn’t get a good enough look? Two of them leaned closer into the window. I could hear them shuffling. One of them opened the glass and poked his head around the corner. “Nope, she’s not coming back out,” I heard him say. “Damn. And we didn’t even get a full show yet.” “What did you expect?” called someone from inside. “A wet t-shirt contest or mud wrestling?” I was fuming. Steam may have shot from my ears. The one closest to the window shuffled his head inside the second he saw me. Fast reflexes for a little shit, I thought. The other—not so much. I pointed the nozzle inches away from his forehead and he reacted like I was aiming a loaded Glock at his face. Idiot. “Holy sh—!” he barely said before I pulled the trigger and a gush of water hit them both in the head, soaking their clothes and everything beneath them. They scrambled to their feet cursing me up, down and sideways. Of course, that didn’t faze me. I could curse right along with them if I’d wanted to, so I kept spraying. I didn’t let up until they were drenched, aiming next at the two figures standing behind the first, in the shadows. I shone a huge smart-assed grin through the window before finally letting up with the spray nozzle. “Oops,” I said. “Did I get you?” I laid the sarcasm on pretty thick and my grin even thicker. Then I rolled my eyes and quickly found my hate driven scowl. The front door opened and I jerked around toward it. A tall man, bare-chested and bronzed, wearing tight jeans—tight with holes and fade marks they were so old…and tight—stared daggers at me. His dark hair flicked in the breeze and he looked like he’d had a day of growth on his face. His eyes shone in the sun but held nothing in the way of humor. He glared at me where I stood on the front lawn, his eyebrows arched in with a wrinkle forming between them. I could have studied that wrinkle for hours. “Oh crap,” I muttered to myself, partly because I hadn’t considered that I might be breaking a trespassing law or something. And there was no denying my awe of this man on the doorstep. “I beg your pardon?” he asked in a gruff voice and I couldn’t help but note his sarcasm. I pulled my jaw up from drooling and the stare down began. Back to reality, I thought, and pushed the vision of him from my mind. (And the fast heart rate that accompanied it.)