Seduce Smart

The Seven Love Myths

Myth One: All the good men are taken.

Totally untrue, but one of the most common excuses I hear. This can lead to giving up or trying to steal a taken man. Neither of these is a good idea. Many insecure women go after married men because they are afraid there is no one else out there. Of course, this guarantees they will never meet someone else if they are busy being sloppy seconds. You are worth someone’s whole, undivided attention! Instead, affirm daily that there are many good men out there and all you need is one. Believe in your heart that the universe has that special man for you, and that he will appear in your life at the best time for both of you. Maybe he’s in a relationship right now, or maybe you’re not in the right place spiritually now. Trust that when you are both ready, it will happen.

Myth Two: All single men are jerks.

This kind of gels with number one: all the good men are taken. All the good men are taken, and all the single ones are jerks. Again, such sweeping generalizations are totally false. We both know there are good apples and bad apples. Some apples are taken, and some apples are free. Your job is to smell out the rotten ones so you don’t get sick! Yes, you will inevitably meet some jerks along the way, but that’s life, isn’t it? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Instead, know how to react when you come across jerks. Avoid them. Do not allow them into your life. If you feel uncomfortable, or just plain insulted by some man on a date, you have every right to remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible. Don’t drag out a date with a bad apple. Don’t worry about being polite or seeming rude. Your time is much too precious to waste with a loser. Just leave! Go to the restroom and head out the exit. Minimize bad first date damage by meeting for drinks or coffee somewhere close to your home. Drive yourself there, and, if it sucks, just say you have a busy day ahead of you and peace out! And no matter how good or bad a date is going, never let a man know where you live or work, just in case he’s a creeper or a weirdo. There are all kinds of people out there. As a woman, it’s your job to protect yourself.

Myth Three: Bad boys can be tamed.

Like married men, bad boys are a complete waste of your time. The term bad boy has become much too glamorized. In reality, it’s a man who treats you badly. He doesn’t call or show up when he says he will. He is rude to your friends and family. And while he’s happy to enjoy your body, he offers no commitment in return. Often these men are also abusive, be it verbal, mental, or physical. They are also notorious cheaters and will deny being that till the day they die, calling you crazy and paranoid in the process. All in all, it is just a big mess that will leave you an emotional wreck. Women who are jerked around and left behind by bad boys can become bitter. When a woman becomes bitter, she becomes blind to the nice man who wants her attention. She has written off men and also any hope of a happy romantic relationship. Don’t become one of these women! If you crave drama, then watch an episode of The Real Housewives, but don’t bring the bad boy into your life. You will regret it.

Myth Four: There’s no such thing as a perfect match for me.

Do you lump true love together with fairytales and Disney movies? Then it’s time to shift your beliefs from fantasy to reality. Cynicism and sarcasm can be great fun. But when you are cynical about your odds of meeting Mr. Right, then life gets the last laugh. Your dating life will just keep affirming your beliefs that true love is bullshit, and while you will be right, you will also be alone. What would you rather be: alone and right, or wrong and in love? It may be time to see a bigger picture at play: of a universe that gives you exactly what you believe you deserve. If you want to believe that romance is a fantasy created by card companies to sell flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day, then by all means believe that. You have every right to believe whatever you want. But don’t complain when you find yourself sitting by a phone that doesn’t ring on Saturday night. And don’t feel angry at the universe when you find out yet another one of your friends is getting married. The difference between your engaged friend and you is that she believed that true love was possible for her, and you didn’t. But you are just as deserving of true loves as any woman out there. So go ahead. Believe in fairytales. I dare you.

Myth Five: Nice guys are boring.

This is a myth that desperately needs to be cleared up. I think the confusion started with some nice guys who were very insecure with women. They saw the jerks laughing and having a great time with the attractive women at the bar and assumed that women responded because they were jerks. What these nice, but spineless, guys didn’t realize is that women respond to a man’s confidence. This is a trait frequently found in, but not limited to, jerks. The jerk swooped in without doubting himself. Meanwhile, the nerdy nice guy stumbled on his words and was flustered and annoying. In his jealous state, he concluded all women don’t respond to him because he’s not a jerk, when in reality it’s because he’s a nervous wreck. Nerdy guy, take note: a real quality woman will be turned off by a man’s jerkiness. Jerks only get insecure, desperate women. Aim for the nice guy with confidence, the nice guy with balls. Maybe some women are hot for jerks (aka bad boys), but you are not one of them. Instead, you should aim for the frequently underrated confident nice guys. These are the men who open your car door, are respectful and courteous, but are also sure of themselves and who they are. They’re on their game, working hard and feeling good. They’ve already made it, so they carry themselves in a way that is confident, not arrogant. They make the best boyfriends, husbands, and fathers, but you have to be on your A game to get one for the long haul because a lot of women want them. Don’t worry—that’s what this book is for!

Myth Six: I can have friends with benefits until something better comes along.

Again, the common theme here is shifting your energy. You must make space in your life for what you want before it can arrive. If you have a closet that’s stuffed full of clothes, you can’t cram your new clothes in there until you get rid of some old ones. Likewise, you can’t expect life to send you your perfect man if you are busy using your energy and time on Mr. Better-than-nothing. Your love life is cluttered with this man. He takes up time, energy, and space in your life that you could be using on attracting a great man for you. It is really black and white here. You are either totally free for your dreamboat, or you are tangled in a web with your better-than-nothing guy. Stop screwing around with guys you know aren’t right for you. Better to be single and celibate than with the wrong man. You cannot send a package to a mailbox that’s full. When you are not involved in a second-class relationship, you are sending an order for a first-class man. And the universe always delivers!

Myth Seven: I can change him.

No, you can’t. Really. He can only change himself, and that’s if he chooses to do so. This applies to everyone, man or woman: you change because you want to. Maybe you’re in love with a man who doesn’t know you exist. Maybe you are great friends, but he only looks at you as a sister or a buddy. If he doesn’t pursue you and try to take your relationship to the next level, then he doesn’t like you, at least not in the way that you want him to. Move on. Don’t torture yourself with the whys or the hows.

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