Bipolar1
A Psychotic Experience
by
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Foreword
Kevin and I acknowledge we have not always seen eye to eye about his care and treatment. That is not particularly unusual between psychiatrist and their patients with Bipolar Affective Disorder. I was therefore a little surprised when he asked me to write a forward to this book. That is not to say Kevin and I have major differences of opinion, but he sees me as part of the body of “professional opinion” which necessarily views Bipolar Disorder differently from those who have had personal experience of it.
Kevin has been through a series of ups and downs in his life since I have known him and not just the mood swings of phases in his illness, but major social and life changes. It must have taken a great deal of effort and emotion to commit his experience to paper. There is no doubt it would have been distressing at times to recall the contents of his psychotic episodes.
Many sufferers from Bipolar Disorder have little memory of their thoughts or actions during acute episodes of their illness, either they are depressed or hypomanic. Kevin describes his thoughts and experiences with unusual clarity allowing us to follow, if not understand, the workings of a manic mind.
Following the adversities over the last few years Kevin now seems to have found a lifestyle which is much less stressful. He seems much happier with his lot and his Bipolar Disorder has been more stable. Perhaps he and I have reached a satisfactory compromise regarding treatment.
Dr Megan Munro, Consultant Psychiatrist
Synopsis
The book starts by acknowledging the difficulty in believing the content, when all the usual experience of life, for the majority of people, suggests that it is highly improbable. Following an admission that if I was presented with the situation prior to diagnosis at the age of 29, I would not have believed it possible, the introduction describes difficulties with medication and experience with psychiatrists. The message finishing the chapter is; even for the sceptical, it’s a thought provoking and entertaining read.
Chapter one describes the catalyst for the first episode. High levels of stress brought about by difficulties in work, possible redundancies, and the advent of a first child. The actual stress levels and the perceived stress levels added up to a disastrous mix, leading to a state of mind were I believed my thoughts were transparent to everybody and I was being oppressed and controlled by unknown people who had always known this to be the case.
The following eight chapters detail the physical events that occurred around each psychotic episode, embellished by my most memorable recollections of what was going through my mind at the time. My thoughts were, as far as I was concerned, real time conversations with familiar people which guided my interaction with friends, family and people in general. The underlying theme being: I had been prevented from learning the truth about telepathic communication and had suddenly been awoken to the reality at the age of 29. I was from a long line of ancient people that used their mind and also, reflex survival skills, in circumstances of confrontation, to calm and entertain the local population and keep the peace. I was indeed a loose cannon, walking the streets, waking up people who had been similarly oppressed. The police were the keepers of the modern state of mind control, so I was in constant surveillance.
During this time, in my mind, I spoke with the stars of television, learnt the ancient ways of my forefathers, found God, smelt, saw and tasted things that were not physically there, frightened neighbours and friends. The impact was far reaching, I was arrested on a number of occasions, appeared before the County Court where I sang a Beatles song without ever addressing the court, was banned from my gym, my guitar club and the local Asda store.
The Conclusion tries to make sense of my experience.
The book closes with a section of poetry, written in 2005, whilst recovering in hospital and still experiencing involuntary thoughts.
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About the Book
Kevin Rowan was born 19th March 1962 and grew up in Kirkby on Merseyside. He enjoyed a carefree childhood.
Whilst never really excelling at school, he subsequently gained BA Business Studies at Teesside Polytechnic.
Kevin embarked on a 16 year career in Marketing with well known employers earning above average wage.
At the age of 29 he had a psychosis and was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. Over a period of 14 years he experienced eight psychotic episodes where his actions and thoughts were determined by “voices in the head” and had subsequent periods of treatment, side-effects and depression.
Kevin continued with his career, to the best of his ability, given the impact and seriousness of his condition, but both career and marriage slowly fell apart over time due to its consequences.
In 2006 life began to settle down, having found suitable medication and coming to terms with living with Bipolar. Circumstances had taken Kevin very close to suicide and bankruptcy with several changes in unsuitable employment. A search for work that did not cause a stressful reaction that could cause further health problems led to employment as a postal clerk at a major organization in Liverpool City Centre.
The future became something once again to look forward to.
www.bipolar1.me.uk