The Apprenticeship to Love

Introduction

Enduring Love Is Not Easy, Just Worth It

You’re in a bind, wanting to find a partner for life, yet feeling stuck due to anxiety or fear. Maybe you don’t even know why you’re stuck. All you know is that past relationships have not worked out and you haven’t been able to find that special somebody. Perhaps you feel ready or would like to be ready. The likelihood is that you have picked up this book because you are a casualty of love. If you are, this book is for you. You want to try again but desire a different, better outcome—one that is enduring and actually happy. If you are looking for a quick solution, don’t look here. This book does not offer gimmicks or magical solutions, just a practical approach that works. If you haven’t been wounded by love but would like to know how to find a marital partner who is right for you, keep reading. Since this program successfully works for the love challenged, it will work for you. Your ambivalence about entering the dating scene again gets reinforced by what you see around you. It seems that just about everyone wants a loving partner to be married to for a lifetime, yet divorce statistics show the odds are against this happening. Even worse, of the couples that stay together long-term, few seem to be happy and many would not choose their current partner if given the opportunity to do it over again. Does that mean that seeking a successful marriage is like buying a Lotto ticket, hoping for the best, but expecting otherwise? If that’s what you think, you should know that it doesn’t have to be that way. To begin with, don’t look around you for answers; it should be obvious by now that most others don’t know what they’re doing either. Make up your mind that you have to be a pioneer in love, exploring new emotional and relationship territories. The only frightening parts of this process will be your reaction to venturing into new places and painful memories that might resurface when you get nervous. Are you worried that this is more than you are ready for? Don’t be. We’ll just have to be sure that your efforts take into account your level of readiness, social-skill set, and emotional management ability. It makes sense that to become part of the successful minority you will need to expend energy and learn new skills. That doesn’t mean that it is all work and no play. In fact, the process is interesting, fun, and, at times, joyful. Sound like a lot of work? Anything new and unfamiliar feels that way. Doesn’t seem worth it to you? Hopefully, you’re still in the bookstore or library and can simply put the book back on the shelf. Any good relationship requires effort, flexibility, open-mindedness, creativity, commitment, and much, much more—in other words, work. But work can be pleasurable and gratifying if it is also meaningful. Your effort can truly be a labor of love, with all the rewards and benefits. Consider the process of learning a part of your preparation and maturation for enduring love, and enjoy yourself along the way. Why is it that so many people, particularly divorcé(e)s from long-term relationships, dread the prospect of reentering the dating scene? More often than not, it is because they are terrified of feeling inadequate, being rejected, or having another failed relationship. Ironically, the best way to start the Apprenticeship to Love program is to operate on the working premise that you don’t know enough about people or relationships to have another one at the present time, or any time in the immediate future. This is a great premise as it provides protection from yourself since you are less likely to rush into another relationship. It also provides a great defense from others. For example, you can tell a person who may be trying to rush a relationship that you are not ready for one without having to feel guilty or thinking that you have to “run away.” You have been liberated from having to know what you are doing, as you are not expected to be an expert. Now maybe you can relax and have fun meeting new people without having the pressure that comes with expectations. The objective is to learn more about yourself, people, and relationships. Knowledge is power; it lets you identify and avoid unhealthy, dead-end relationships. It also lets you see and know who is a viable love candidate. The Apprenticeship to Love program combines knowledge and practical experience to guide you in meeting, identifying, and engaging the kind of person you can have a good relationship with—somebody who has something to offer you in a relationship, not just the other way around. The very process of searching for this somebody also becomes a pathway for healing and developing the emotional and relationship skills you need to sustain the love you find. Most important, you do it at your own pace and at a level of readiness that is determined by you. How? Through incremental success—a program that begins at the simplest level to allow you to follow through with set objectives and becomes more complex as you evolve. Sadly, fun and joy can get lost in hurtful and negative past experiences. Unfamiliar situations can feel potentially dangerous and are, therefore, likely to be avoided. What people often forget are the fun and pleasure that can be found in new experiences. There are three factors that can determine whether you feel able to venture out into the dating scene: physical safety, emotional preparedness, and a strategy that works. Having these fundamental elements in place allows you to develop the confidence to try new experiences because they give you the psychological edge to be able to engage in calculated risk. The principles underlying the Apprenticeship to Love program have been known and used by mental health professionals for over thirty-five years to help individuals develop skills to safely enter and successfully negotiate the singles scene after widowhood, divorce, or the collapse of a long-term love relationship. Yes, you have a busy schedule with lots of things to do; and this program requires time, energy, and effort. But if you are still reading this after all that has been said, you know that you want more in your life. You understand that finding a companion who loves you, who is willing to commit to the relationship, who wants to be a good friend and lover, and who brings out the best in you will make life extra special. Such a person is rare. Don’t settle! That person wants to find you too. This is the kind of cause that you can work for with passion and commitment—and have fun in the process. Are you ready to become a love apprentice and start your personal journey? Let’s begin.