PAIN OF HONOR

One of the statements made to me in the doctor’s office was that this disease would worsen over time and there was nothing to be done to reverse the damage that had already taken place since bones do not repair themselves. The only thing that could transpire is that processes and procedures could be arranged to keep me as comfortable as possible. Needless to say, that as the years progressed, the condition worsened and the pain intensified and by this time the condition in my body was classified as a chronic condition; therefore, I would be in chronic pain, meaning the damage that had already taken place in my body would last more than six months and would more than likely not respond to aggressive medial pain management efforts. There are medical notations that believe physical pain can, at times, alter one’s personality and a behavior. Behavioral alteration became true for me due to the lack of understanding of the reality of what I was experiencing in my physical body. Because not everyone understood my pain’s intensity, there were times that I would hibernate within my home and would not leave for an entire weekend in order to avoid hurting any more than I had to. During the week, I would leave my house only to go to work. However, immediately after work, I would return to the safety and comforts of my home to recuperate from the events of the day. Of course this behavior caused me to lessen participation in extracurricular activities because I had to be so careful of my own physical body when I was around people. This personal bodily protection was new for me since I loved being around people so much. Dealing with the pain initially began as a physical gesture; however, as the physical pain became more excruciating, I had to begin dealing with this pain emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. I can now say that I am so glad that I embraced how God was using this seemingly negative issue in my life, so that I may know Him more dearly, see Him more clearly, have Him more nearly, and love Him more fervently. This bone disease that has been trouble to my physical man for the past 18 years has been triumph for my spiritual man and does not compare to the eternal glory of God’s eternal plan for my life. Praise God that all of these years of suffering, affliction, and pain have been working on my behalf for an eternal glory. Preparing for an eternal glory, also needed preparation for internal glory and all of this preparation demanded me to be patient, demanded me to wait.