In Search of Love

This was the first time that I tried to end my life. I could not take it anymore. Hearing all the time how useless, childish, how stupid I was, over and over, making me hate myself even more. I became dead inside. The fighting, the fear, the rejection was just too much. I thought about running away but I had nowhere to go, and nobody to go to. I felt stuck; I felt that the only way out was to die. The only thing I could think of at that moment was to leave a note. So I wrote a letter to my family and friends in my diary. The note read as follows: August 5, 1992 Dear Diary, I am having thoughts of death again. I am really depressed. If I am to die tonight, I want my family to know that I love them. I want my friends Marie, Tom, Stan, Helen and Chrissie to know that I loved them with all my heart and wish I could have spent more time together. I can’t explain all the reasons why I have done what I did….I just couldn’t handle the pain anymore. My heart, my soul, my body can’t handle anymore. For my sister, I want you to know that I love you very much even though we didn’t get along like we should have. To all my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents….I love you! Good~Bye! Finally at Peace, Shannon The only thing I could find at that moment was a thin flimsy rope. I tested its strength by pulling and yanking it with all my might. It seemed strong enough. I tied one end around my neck and the other end around the bar on my bunk bed. I said a little prayer and then proceeded to hang/choke myself to death. “Breathing became harder…I was happy…I was going to be free…just a little longer and it would all be over”