When God's Woman Wants to Give Up

There are times in our lives that from a purely human perspective are just downright unfair. No matter how hard we try, we cannot wrap our minds around the events that unfold and cause such chaos and pain. There are times that we seem so unloved, rejected, betrayed and disillusioned by the God we are supposed to have an intimate relationship with that if we stay in this mindset we will never overcome. We must come to the realization and help our children come to the place of understanding that life is not fair. This life is not our home. This is not where it ends for Christians. We are just passing through on this earth. But sometimes we get stuck in our thinking that this place and this time is all there is. This is only the beginning of eternity for us. This is a blip on the screen. Yes, life is unfair. There I have said it. Let us embrace it. There will be times that it will seem so unfair and unjust that we will be tempted to throw in the towel and disappear. Or perhaps we do not want to disappear or quit, but in the midst of the unfairness others secretly pray that we would disappear or at least get some help. There have been many times that I felt that God had not come through as I thought He would or should. There was one time in my life that I felt that God had betrayed me. I felt He was not fair in my life and I decided that I was going to let Him know this. So this particular day as I was riding my lawn mower, I began to scream my prayer to Him. I want you to get the visual. I was mowing an almost half acre of land with a two story house, a wonderful husband and a new baby. I was in a desert spiritually, but materially I had my needs met far beyond the average person. Not everyone loved me but many people did. Things were tough in our ministry and so I was throwing a “spiritually spoiled” child fit. I must have looked like an idiot riding on my lawn mower screaming at the top of my lungs at God. I was telling Him how unfair I thought He was, how my husband was a good man, and why didn’t He notice that? I have often wondered what some of my neighbors thought about that day. I am telling you this because I do not think I am the only woman in this world who has thrown a fit at God when we are at the end of our own emotional strength. Sometimes life seems so unfair that, if you allow yourself, you can sink deep into despair and depression. The pit of despair and depression is a place that no human can lift you. When we encounter prolonged trials, our biggest problem is that we pray and ask God to fix whatever it is like we want it. Then when it takes awhile for the trial to end or things do not turn out the way we wanted, we become angry, embittered or resentful. Our focus can turn inward and downward. And if not careful, we miss what God is trying to teach us or do through us. In Colossians chapter three verses one through four it says, “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.” We get in trouble when we focus on the things below. And when we focus on the things below…. our identities become all about the events, materials and people in our lives. It is human nature to struggle with all of the loss and trials in our lives. It is carnal nature to continue to live in this mindset. When we live in carnal nature, it is sin. Sin hinders our relationship with our heavenly Father and causes us to place our identities in something or someone else. For example, as you focus on the trial or suffering you may become so comfortable with strife, anger, bitterness, tragedy that you become more known for you trial than known for what your Heavenly Father has brought you out of. I have known a time in my life that I had been so focused on the turmoil in my life that I did not think my life was normal unless there was some drama going on. When there was no trial or suffering, I thought that there must be something wrong. My life had become clearly defined by turmoil and strife instead of the peace that my Father offers in and through the times of trials and sufferings. I did not know how to celebrate the victory of overcoming because I had not fixed my focus on the things above but continued to dwell on the trial long after it had past. Let us just stop and think about how unfair Job’s wife might think that God had been to her. Remember she lost every earthly thing that gave her purpose, she lost her children, and she is left to watch her husband (the only thing she had left in the world) die before her very eyes. Job is sitting on top of an ash heap. I can imagine that she is standing near the ash heap. She is frustrated, angry, and for the moment without words. Job on the other hand speaks and he cursed the day of his birth. His cry of anguish and despair is great. He did not sin against God with his speech but his heart cry of both physical and mental pain was deafening to the heart of his wife. I believe she heard his heart of anguish and empathized with him. She had shared a lifetime with this man and now could do nothing to help but watch from a distance and wonder with Job why God would continue His silence. I would also wonder with Job why there was no movement to end the madness of this disease and why God just wouldn’t let me die. He does not understand the unfairness of this place as he says that what he had feared has come upon him. He cannot eat, rest or sleep. He is not silent because of the turmoil in his body and soul. He cries out and I believe that his wife is watching in anguish, feeling hopeless and helpless to fix the plight that she finds herself and her husband in. It was unfair from a human perspective. This is really the core of what this book is about. - A Woman’s perspective versus the perspective of the God of this universe. We must come to the place that we understand that unfairness is a part of life. It is what we do with the unfairness and how we respond to it that will cause us to prosper or to crater. Job is asking some tough questions. God can handle them. It is not the questions that get us into trouble. It is demanding the answers our way that leads us into the pit of despair.