A Stitch of Integrity

“If you can stop fidgeting quite so much then, dear, even though you do it adorably, I will attempt to provide the two of you with a brief, succinct catalog of the various species of fauna present.” “Fauna?” Georgina retorted. “Young deer?” Chad squinted in pretend irritation at her but his eyes, which were sparkling as brightly as the sunlight that reflected from the wavelets in the pool, gave him away. “I think I’m going to have to be careful with you, young lady. Women with wit are dangerous.” Flattered by his response, Georgina smiled sweetly at him, as though innocence herself, and prompted, “You were going to educate us?” “Ah, yes, very well,” he responded, still somewhat distracted. He glanced around for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts as well as hesitating for effect. Then he began. “Look at that couple walking this way, towards us from the bar. Casually, now, let’s not all stare at the same time. They are an example of the first group, the over the hill gang, people who don’t realize that the biggest part of their lives are behind them, attached as their corpulent asses. Avoid them if you don’t want to be grossed out by cellulite and talk of better times.” Harry laughed and nodded in agreement. He was on the verge of getting angry at Chad’s open, blatant flirting with his wife so his laughter had an edge to it. Expressing himself allowed Harry to calm somewhat. “That seems like sound advice,” he stated somewhat neutrally. His remark meant that he both agreed with Chad’s assessment as well that he had decided to accommodate Chad’s impertinence, to a point. Georgina, however, tried to think of something complimentary to say about the disparaged couple just to spite Chad, for his arrogance instinctively galled her, but she couldn’t as Chad’s dig seemed all too appropriate so she decided instead to try to alter his focus. She asked, “Who else, great master?” Chad ignored her jibe, while at the same time inwardly admiring her spirit. He looked over his shoulder at the pool, scanning its occupants for several seconds. “There, standing with their backs against the side of the pool, almost facing us, is the next group on our list, some of the self-deluded plain folk who mistakenly think that total lack of plumage will perform a sort of reverse magic and make them look more attractive rather than less.” “He’s not so bad,” Georgina offered, still in resistance mode. “He reminds me a little of you.” “P’faw,” Chad replied. “Nothing of the kind.” Buffy laughed at Georgina’s retort, entertained by the verbal jousting going on around her. Chad again noted Georgina’s spirit but decided to not respond directly. He found that he was already enjoying this conversation more than any he had been drawn into since their arrival. Harry, after taking a generous sip of his scotch, neat, which the waiter had delivered promptly, as though expecting him to need it, asked, “What category would you put them in?” nodding to indicate the couple seated on adjacent chaise lounges a short distance behind Georgina. “Oh, them,” Chad answered, in a voice lowered so that the object of his diatribe would not hear. “They are obviously old-time nudists who got out of the dot com boom before it went bust and are spending their ill gotten gains on hedonistic upgrades to their usual rustic, shabby haunts.” Georgina replied, “Maybe it’s just a special occasion,” even though Harry had not pointed out Margie and Howard, who were as yet nowhere to be seen, “Perhaps.” Now having established a rhythm as well as having begun to be enamored at the sound of his own voice, Chad continued. “Although I don’t see any at the moment, there are two other main categories. First, the permanently immature who never got over the trauma of potty training. They are easily identifiable as they can’t stop surreptitiously touching their genitals whenever they think no one is looking. Second, the desperate, long time swingers who hope that the better climate will somehow break through their ennui of dissolution and allow them to feel something, to feel anything again.” Georgina couldn’t help herself. She stared at Chad in open admiration, not the least for his ability to use the word ennui without sounding like a pompous ass. Noticing her look, Chad added, “Of course there is also the largest group, the hopelessly lost and the totally clueless. They verily surround us.” Buffy lightly applauded and winked at Harry. “Quite the old blowhard, isn’t he?”