The Guardians of the Cludgie Stane

Chapter One ‘The Tanist Stone’ Noun: (stane) colloquial Scottish word for stone or rock Noun: (cludgie) colloquial Scottish word for toilet or lavatory The current Guardians of the Cludgie Stane would describe this holy relic as being a large, oblong block of reddish purple and black, granite, hard stone. Known records will have declared the ‘rock’ as having been identified as the ancient Tanist Stone or the Stone of Bethel, and an artefact deemed as one of the holiest of relics currently on the globe. The Tanist Stone has always been accepted as the actual coronation or foundation Stone used throughout history hailing from not the Holy Land, but also from deep within the kingdoms of Europe including both Scotland and Ireland. Therefore, in historical terms, the Stone can be linked or coupled with a few other prominent eastern and western Kings and Queens which in itself provides great provenance for the artefact to be deemed very important in the first place. Therefore, links together some ancient monarchs such as Constantine III circa 995, Alexander the Great and Charlemagne, were each noble had bonded their respective countries together within the fabric of Christian belief. The holy orders from across the planet, including the Vatican, have decreed that the current custodians of the ‘artefact’ have provided stewardship of this relic which has been passed on through the lineage of time from as far back as ancient Egyptian history was recorded, and this process should continue as is. But the relic was certainly recognised as a significant and a very important object over many centuries prior, and was duly cared for by one of the most powerful and important establishments in historical terms since that time. That institution was the Holy Order of the Knights Templar, Scotland where we will find many Templar records that will stem back into history to around circa AD 710. Since the Stone’s advent into human society, the holy status bestowed on the Stone has never changed even right up until the point where one of the Stone’s sister copies, the Cludgie Stane - along with the scant details of its very controversial theft - came into the public domain. The event was diligently recorded in the annals of our important history as an act which resulted in the Stone’s subsequent removal from the Scottish Kingdom circa 13th century (in the year 1296 according to contemporary records). An event in history: •August 8, 1296 King Edward I removed to England the Stone of Destiny on which generations of Scottish kings had been crowned. •June 2, 1398 Prince Henry St Clair (Sinclair) landed in Nova Scotia, having sailed from Orkney (the Knights Templars were moving important relics and stock). The pseudo artefact, this magic Cludgie Stane, having been literally ripped from the clutches of Scottish control at the behest of an egotistical and power-crazy, driven English monarch, was to become an important slap in the face for the proud Scottish people. And, as this narrative unfolds, we will become acquainted with the main antagonist and perpetrator in this storyline who was a man better known in history as King Edward I (Longshanks), where we discover that his unique nickname was mainly due to his tallness and the extraordinary length of his arms and leg bones. Albeit, we should note that Edward was an important English King and an important historical figure who ruled his lands with an iron fist, and did so during the very important uprising years. This dark period in British history was a time, which to say the very least, was a very unstable and turbulent, deathly period in our island’s evolution. The powers that ruled over the land were constantly at loggerheads with one another, each side constantly arguing and debating who was to hold the ultimate sovereignty and power reign over the beautiful Kingdom of Scotland. It was an era hailed by historians as a significant, politically violent and turbulent period where several military cross borders battles, fights, skirmishes, and encounters of aggression were a daily occurrence across the known British Isles. Suffice to say, all these rebellious and political disruptions were to become better known in the historical annals as the ‘Hammer of the Scots’. The military raids never really ceased until the late 1700’s when peace was eventually negotiated. An event in history: • July 7, 1575 The skirmish called ‘The Raid of the Redeswire’ took place between Scottish and English borderers, as did many more. However, one should not argue that Longshanks as King of England was anyway wrong in his decision making as he executed his plans in what he thought were the correct actions for the betterment of the southern nation. His decisive execution of policy was both calibrated and constructed with clear precision in mind, however, even after the pseudo relic or Stane was relocated south of the border it still remained very unclear to the King and to the relic raiders at the time whether or not this newly acquired article was indeed the genuine relic known as the Stone of Destiny or not. If this was not the actual Stone, then what in hell’s half acre was it? But, more importantly, where in God’s name did it come from? After very much deep, scientific deliberation, cogitation and eventual geological analysis of the Stane, it was deemed by the English forward thinkers of the day that this was indeed the original Stone and the genuine article was now firmly in Edward’s possession. It should be stated that perhaps the scientists and geologists of the day made their assumptions in collaboration to put an end to the aggression and war that Edward had unleashed on the Scottish people. Perhaps this was the ‘tool’ to slow down the war hammer as it fell upon the innocent. Of course, it was soon revealed that this newly acquired stony object simply mirrored other existing stony examples taken from the local landscape where it was originally located, and was thus attributed to the Stone’s composition being recorded as Scone sandstone. Upon hearing this fantastic news, Edward would have been beside himself with heavenly rapture having removed a piece of Scottish regalia from the control of his archest of enemies - the Scots. But, sadly, for all concerned especially the local border land dwellers and farming outposts across the borders or modern-day Northumberland, the horrific fighting, bloodshed and hostilities over the ensuing years never actually ceased, resulting in the borderlands becoming a very cold and deserted plain. It was a location only littered with sheep, deer and pheasants. Enthroned – The Confessor’s chair. The actual copy Stane, after its removal from north of the border, was subsequently given a very high, important, regal status and was very elegantly retro fitted into a large wooden framed seat or throne. This throne was a very ornate, timber-framed chair indeed and was one that very much accommodated not only the posterior of the nobility of the day but matched the arrogance and disrespect that they as monarchs and rulers held for Bonnie Scotland. This was reflected in the seat’s crude and clumsy design, initially having been constructed not too dissimilar to an earlier styled domestic castle or mobile ‘commode’ in its overall structure. It was by any definition of the word very aptly named as such, being the throne. The style of this seat was commonly known in England as St Edward’s Chair (constructed in the name of Edward the Confessor), who was an earlier, recognised king of England. The throne having being endowed with the magic Cludgie Stane which was now sitting very snugly underneath the transverse seating platform of the very regal seating toilet appliance and had taken its rightful place in history. After the refit of the Stone, Edward’s glorious chair was placed into the fine and regal sur