Still Broken
A Memoir
by
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I was living a normal and fulfilling lifestyle when I was struck down by a transport vehicle–– leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, mental breakdowns , and a multitude of adversities and losses in every aspect of my life, inclusive of my working career.
Having minimal qualifications and experience to write, creating this memoir has been a huge challenge for me and a difficult undertaking. After my last breakdown I had and still do have limited knowledge of the computer. I didn't want to defame anyone in this memoir, yet I felt it was imperative to state how a severe trauma can have a negative imposition on one's life and livelihood. As a result, depression and spasmodic bodily spasms are only a small part of the multitude of manifestations of physical and mental suffering.
The signs and symptoms of PTSD are often misunderstood by many. They can manifest themselves in some unrealistic and bizarre bodily malfunctions–– which can be difficult to diagnose. The triggers and flashbacks for victims who have been traumatized by what to them is a life threatening experience, as is exemplary in victims of war crimes––the military, and others, must be appropriately diagnosed and treated before it becomes too permanently embedded.
Having succumbed to PTSD almost three decades ago, I can fully relate to it. I have some regression through minimal treatments with prolonged exposure therapy (PET.) In spite of some accomplishments in ambulating––I will briefly expound on just a few incidents quite recently in facing my triggers, as recommended in (PET.)
A person mentions the word "truck," I collapse and fall to the ground; I watch part of a movie and I hear "sirens," I collapse and when I stand up––I can't walk; I see a small sign on a neighbor's refrigerator "injury lawyers," I collapse in her unit. On two of these occasions, which are just a few of many, all I am able to do is crawl up the stairs to my own unit.
Another incident: I arrive at a hospital where I am attending a support-group program. On my trip to the hospital I see an ambulance and hear a siren––on my arrival there I see two more ambulances––my body goes into spasm; again I cannot walk. I am assisted into my wheelchair by a staff member who propels my wheelchair to the program. I recover while doing exercises to music and hearing on of my favorite songs being played on a recorder and am happy to be walking again. When leaving the program I am now walking and pushing my wheelchair––as I am almost always required to do. I pass a patient who is in a wheelchair, (this is another trigger for me.) I collapse to the floor and am assisted into my chair again as I cannot walk.
This is how I live my life now, from day to day, never knowing when my next incident will occur, as I patiently and optimistically await a cure–– if there is one in reality. We still have so much to learn about the consequences of PTSD.
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About the Book
In April of 1989, author Leonora Diepenbeck was in her prime; she was living a normal and fulfilling life. But it all changed that day she was struck by a truck, leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and a multitude of adversities and losses in every aspect of her life. In Still Broken, Diepenbeck shares how severe trauma, such as her accident, can have a negative impact on one’s life and livelihood. As a result, depression is only one of the multitude of manifestations of physical and mental suffering. Using her personal experiences as a backdrop, she addresses the consequences of PTSD and some of the bizarre symptoms and afflictions associated with it. In this memoir, Diepenbeck tells how she persevered with minimal rehabilitation or compensation for her losses and how she sought justice for her trials. Advocating an all-encompassing health plan, which includes guidance and counseling, she discusses how she has endured the lasting effects of PTSD.
About the Author
Leonora (also known as Leona) was born in the country near Andrew, Alberta, Canada. Times were difficult....so at the age of 16 she relocated to Edmonton, Alberta, where she furthered her education at Alberta and McTavish Colleges. She was employed as a medical dicta-transcriptionist, primarily within the medical milieu with and for some of the best, in spite of her profound hearing loss. In the prime of her life, this all ended abruptly, when she was struck down by a transport vehicle and became a victim of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In addition to her failing health issues, physically and psychologically, this put an end to her working career, followed by the loss of a beautiful country estate, and ultimately—”her marriage.” The effects of the accident and losses prevailed, but she didn’t give-up. Being a lover of nature, she enrolled in an Art Class, creating almost 100 oil and watercolor scenic paintings in ala prima technique......with perseverance and some highly qualified instruction. Although she struggled with frequent spasmodic attacks, these were subdued while she was distracted by and engrossed in her Art Work.....”It was a form of therapy for her and helped her heal from trauma, a little.” Leona became an enthusiastic artist, and has previously been a member of the Art Society of Strathcona County and subsequently the Art Gallery of Alberta, where she has shown some of her work. Due to a mobility problem requiring the use of a wheel chair at most times, she has been able to exhibit her work only minimally. Leonora finds solace being in the country—”close to nature”–– also being an ardent spectator of Art, in any medium or format, by some talented artists. She revels in the literacy of good literature, and is enraptured by some of the outstanding musical compositions, when she doesn’t have an auditory malfunction. She finds great comfort in some endearing comradeships, especially that of her grandsons, Walker and Carson, fortified by the embellishing love of her family. Leona and her husband, Ernie, who was deceased in 2013, have three children: Sherry, Carey and Cory. Leona lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.