A Vintage Love

I WAS WALKING DOWN THE PRETTY SAND beaches of Rio Jamaica, looking out over the bright blue water, when my mind started to drift to memories of the good times I had growing up. I soon found myself thinking about the guys I’d dated and the ones who hurt me deeply. I’d come to the point in my life when I wanted to focus on my career and myself. I had given up on love. It just didn’t live here anymore, I often told myself, and I found that the more I said it, the more I began to believe it. I had listened to my coworkers talk about their men problems and my good friend Milan talk about her man and how much shit he had put her through. A romantic relationship most definitely wasn’t on my agenda. I had a successful career that I loved. What thirty-year-old do you know who has made partner at the most powerful law firm in California? When I graduated from Harvard, I hadn’t wasted any time making it to the top. I wasn’t going to let anybody hold me back from becoming the next Johnny Cochran. Not only did I want to represent the big leagues, but I also wanted to be able to do some pro bono work for the less fortunate. I remembered it so well. When the college dean had called my name, Zoe Lorraine Perez, at the graduation ceremony, reality had hit. I had proudly walked across that stage with my head held high to receive my doctorate in law and business. I could hear my family as they shouted my name. They were so proud of me, and I was proud of myself. I had finally done it. Even then I had known I was going to go back to school and get my legum magister, more commonly known as an LLM. I had a statement to make. I was happy when I got accepted into the internship at Metcalf Law Firm, I had just known I was going to the top. I loved everything about this place. It had style and class. Most of all, it had potential and lots of opportunities. I had worked day and night to prove to them that I had what it took to be part of the company’s legacy. After years of winning cases and bringing in top-dollar clients, it had all finally paid off. Most people would say it was a long time coming. The best day of my life was when I received a gracious recommendation to become a partner. I had gladly accepted the promotion. I had known it would be more intense because I would have to keep proving myself. But that hadn’t been a problem for me. I really didn’t have the social life most of the people my age had. My friend Delia was out partying and clubbing every night, while I was at home preparing for a case. Some days it seemed bittersweet. Now Delia had a set of twins and a lovely fiancé. I often looked at how happy she was and at times found myself admiring her life. She went to college, graduated with a degree, and had still managed to have a social life. And yet here I was, thinking about what I’d been doing wrong. I was thirty, beautiful, a successful attorney and had no children, my own place, and an outstanding personality, yet I couldn’t find a good man to save my life. I’d had relationships, some good and some bad. But my time was limited because my work consumed me. Bleu and I were in a relationship from high school all the way through college. Whenever someone had seen Bleu, they had seen me. He was a huge part of my life. We had continued to build our relationship through the years. When we had started spending less and less time together, that’s when we began to have problems. I hadn’t known how to juggle both my personal life and my work. So I ended up losing the man of my dreams. Bleu was everything I’d ever wanted in a man. I could actually say I still had love for him after all of these years. When we did talk after the breakup, he had said that I broke up with him and left him heartbroken. I’d never seen it that way. I had been young and didn’t have a clue what I wanted, even though it had been right there in front of my face. I could say that we left things on good terms. After the breakup, I saw him every so often, but it was just hi and bye. He ended up leaving the state, and we lost touch. I guessed he had moved on with his life and probably had a family now.Other guys saw me as a threat because of my job title. They didn’t know how to handle a woman like me. I didn’t treat them any kind of certain way. I never threw my weight around. I always thought it was so childish and immature when people did that. Your title doesn’t define who you are. I always knew how and when to be in attorney mode and how to be a lovely girlfriend, but it never worked out. The worst part was that I’d had guys see my title and try to use me. What they didn’t know was that game recognizes game.My daddy taught me well about these men out here. I gave men a fair chance to prove to me that they were worthy of a woman like me. I had a two-date rule: when I saw how the second date went, I knew how the rest would follow. A guy I was dating once had the nerve to ask me whether he could drive my Maserati. I usually didn’t trip about material things, but it was only our second date. I told that fool that he had to be kidding. I must’ve been on that TV show Punk’d. I paid the bill and left that fool at the table, looking like the fool he was. I couldn’t wait to call Delia to tell her about that ratchet dude. Delia had grilled the hell out of me and said, “I told you to step outside the box but not outside of your beliefs.” What a lot of people didn’t understand was that having these things didn’t mean anything when you didn’t have anybody to share them with. I walked the beach every day of my monthlong vacation, thinking of where it all went wrong in my life, and I still didn’t have an answer. It was like I had what a man was looking for but maybe I was too much of a woman. Would things have been any different if I had downgraded myself to somebody else’s level just to have that social experience? I hung out with the ladies at the law office, but as I said, most of them had men issues, and that only made me more depressed. I had to tell them that despite all their complaining about what their men weren’t doing, I’d be happy to say I had one. It got so lonely in my condo. I only got enjoyment when I walked the white sandy beach at my getaway spot. This was the place I went to refresh my mind and get ready so I could start fresh when I returned to California. I passed a couple and their little boy. I could tell they were vacationing because I had never seen them before. The father stopped and asked me whether I could take a picture of them. It was an honor to look at the picture and see how happy they were. Afterward, I continued my stroll down the beach and my thoughts about my complicated life. I decided to get my feet a little wet and let the pretty blue water splash against my legs. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard my neighbor Tysin call my name and tell me to wait up. I stopped to wait for him. “Um, Tysin, why are you late?” I asked. Tysin responded, “Well, I had a phone conference, and it went longer than I’d expected. I was trying my best to get off the phone. Running a company in the States is not so easy when you stay in Jamaica.” “I guess you might be right. I thought you had a woman over there and were fucking the shit out of her,” I jokingly replied. We both laughed and started walking. Tysin mumbled under his breath, “If anything, it would be you I’d have over there.” I knew Tysin liked me, but I also knew I couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. Dating long-distance was too much wear and tear on a person and a relationship. Tysin was a very handsome, successful man who had worked his ass off to get to the top. His parents were very wealthy; they had offered Tysin full access to their money if he wanted to start his own company. However, Tysin hadn’t done it that way. He had worked hard, saved his money, and used some of his inheritance to build his realty company and open his restaurants.