Pay Attention! Be Alert!

It all happened very fast. In the middle of my shock and disbelief I remember saying that I was part of the solution, not part of the problem. My boss had tears in her eyes and amazing as it may sound, I was the one comforting her. Friends said encouraging words, and assured me that I would be employed again in no time. My professional life that was so important for my own survival and that of my loved ones had suddenly and unexpectedly vanished. I had lost an important part of my identity, my self-esteem was in shambles, and, worst of all, I could not understand why. My sudden unemployment forced us, as a family, to change our lifestyle, and to depend on the goodwill of others, something we had never had to do before. I was devastated. The loss opened up a void in my life, and I wanted back what had been taken away from me. Believing that I knew what was best for me, I approached God not only with my petitions, but also with my plan to get what I wanted. I prayed. My family prayed. My friends prayed. I contacted people, applied for jobs, and did all the many things I was told to do, but months went by and no job offer came through. I was worried and afraid. Anxiety built up and I caught myself in panic. “What is wrong with me? Will I ever again have the means to provide for my family?” What I thought was the solution, going back to the same old lifestyle, the one I already knew and that I was so comfortable with, never came through. I had my plans but apparently God had different plans for me. I went through a period of deep mental anguish and depression. I didn’t want to be in the situation I was in. I wanted to be somewhere else. But how could I affirm that I wasn’t where I wanted to be if I knew not where I was? I was always imagining where I desired to be without ever getting a good grasp of where I actually was. My mind was focused on the future, on what was lacking, on what I thought I needed to be happy. My focus was always on my destination, not on my real location. I was lost, and instead of figuring out where I was, I found it easier to ask “God, where are you?” PAYING ATTENTION TO THE GIFTS A sudden shift in my perception made me realize that I was not paying attention to gifts that had been given to me through the loss, gifts that could transform and heal me. In many ways, I was ungrateful. Instead of appreciating and taking care of what I already had, I was focusing on what I did not have, and by worrying about what was lacking, my mind was always in the future, not in the present. Focused solely on getting, without the ability to give anything away, I felt immensely poor. During that process I learned that if I focused on the present and on what I already had, I was able to sense that I had enough to give, and by giving, I felt rich. By switching from selfishness to altruism, I moved from a state of mind where I was afraid of scarcity to one where I could experience the joy of abundance. I shifted from sadness to happiness, from ingratitude to thankfulness, and from worry to confidence. When I finally accepted that all things must pass, I came to the realization that what had happened to me was the best for my soul. My soul needed the change. My soul needed, desperately, the freedom. My soul had been crying for help and rescue for many years, and I had consistently ignored the cry. My soul needed moments of rest and quiet so I could learn to listen and see. It was my own soul that, secretly, throughout those years, made me do the things that brought me to where I was, to here, where I am now. I was blessed with the decision to see that entire situation not as a disaster but as a new chapter of my life’s adventure. By paying attention to insights and inspirations, I started to discover many new things about life, and to uncover a universe of wisdom that was deep inside me. With new spaces created by the loss, there was now room for new gifts, and time to enjoy them. A joyful acceptance of my new condition calmly settled in when I understood that I would not be able to even see these wonderful new gifts had I still been immersed in my old daily routine. What in the beginning looked like a punishment started to look more like a reward. I learned that how I responded to what happened to me had a greater influence on the quality of my life than what actually happened.