A Real Man Stands Tall

Throughout the years I’ve often heard the statement, “A good man is hard to find.” Either that is a true statement or you’re looking for him in all the wrong places. Perhaps, he is right under your nose and you are too blind to notice him because you do not know what a good man looks like. Well, what is a good man, and what are the defining factors that make him such a good man? It is the objective of this paper to reveal the truth that a good man—in all actuality—is a real man, and the essence of a real man is godly character. Character, as defined by Webster, is “The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of a person or thing.” In laymen’s terms, it is a person’s reputation. “Every tree is known by its own fruit”; “a good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth that which is good” (Luke 6:44a, 45a). In reading Up from Slavery (the autobiography of Booker T. Washington), Mr. Washington tells the story of an ex-slave who made an agreement with his master to purchase his freedom. He went up North to find work. Periodically, he returned to his master’s home to make payments on his agreement. Before he could make his final payments on his freedom, Lincoln freed the slaves. Although he was a free man, he continued to walk many miles to make payments on his agreement until his final payment was made. When asked why he continued to make payments on his freedom when Lincoln had already freed him, he replied, “I have never broken a promise and I won’t start now.” In my eyes, this Negro slave was the epitome of a real man. I was taught that a man’s word is his bond. A real man accepts this formula for success: First, I will be a man. Second, I will be a husband. And last, I will be a father. Manhood has its own set of responsibilities which become compounded when he takes on the role of a husband and/or father. If he goes to stage two—being a husband—before he completes stage one—becoming a man—or if he proceeds to stage three—becoming a father—and bypass stages one and two, his odds of success are greatly lowered. This is the reality for which many men never take into consideration. Let’s explore the responsibilities of each of these stages. Looking at manhood: Manhood is not measured by how many muscles you can pump up, how many guys you can beat up, or by how many women you can knock-up! Nor is manhood measured by the size, or lack thereof, of a man’s penis. If that were the case, there are a lot of teenage boys who could unzip their pants and give most adult males a run for their money. Does the fact that these boys are hung make them men? I was raised to believe that a boy becomes a man when he is able to stand on his own two feet—accept and handle responsibility. This includes, but it not limited to, caring and providing for himself. My grandmother used to say, “Every tub has got to sit on its own bottom.” Based on that theory, there are many adult males who haven’t made the transition from boyhood to manhood. I have known of quite a few men who rely on their moms or ole ladies to provide their basic needs as well as many of their wants. Many of them lounge around the house watching television, talking on the phone, or playing video games while their mom or ole lady is at work. A real man would never allow himself to be financially dependent on any woman—mother, wife, girlfriend, aunt, grandmother, sister, et cetera—unless he had some mental or physical disability that prevented him from working. A real man knows the reality that if he doesn’t work, he won’t eat or be able to meet his financial obligations; therefore, he maintains a stable and solid work history. As a husband, a real man accepts and handles the responsibility of being the head of his wife (Ephesians 5:23). He is fully aware that this position is not a dictatorship. His wife is not his servant (slave) or doormat. She is his helpmeet—companion and helper. Husband and wife are co-labors—they work together as a team. A real man knows that if he is king of his castle, his wife is the queen. Everyone knows that a queen is worthy of just as much honor and respect as a king; therefore, she must be treated with such (1 Peter 3:7). If both husband and wife work full-time jobs, they share the workload at home. A real man knows how to cook, clean, and do laundry. He may not enjoy doing it, but he does know how to do it! If a man can keep his automobile (something that he only rides in) immaculate, he can also keep his home (a place where both he and his family eat, live, and rest their heads) just as clean. Contrary to popular opinion, housework is not woman’s work. It is teamwork—a shared responsibility. I once heard a man say, “This is my house! I wear the pants in my house! At my house, I am the boss!” My response to such an ignorant, lame statement: Since it is your house, wash your dishes! cook your food! vacuum, sweep and mop your floors! make up your bed! wash, dry, fold, and put away your clothes! It’s only right since it is your house! I can appreciate those households that have the understanding that the man takes care of the automobiles, yard, inside and outside maintenance—upkeep of the home and cars—while the woman takes care of the inner running of the home; however, a real man can run everything in his house—the lawnmower, dishwasher, washer and dryer, vacuum cleaner, and can cook. Some of the best cooks in this world are men. According to Emeril Lagasse, Real Men Cook. A real man knows that his wife is human, also. She gets tired, too! Therefore, he loves her like Christ loves His church. She is his crown and not someone to be taken for granted. Before I move on, allow me to add this: If a woman has chosen the option to be a housewife, it is her duty, responsibility, and job to keep the house clean, minister to the needs of her husband and children, and prepare the family meals. Her man who goes to work each day to provide for his family should never come home to a dirty house, dirty kids, or a foodless stove, unless she (his woman) is ill or sick. Now as a father, a real man steps up to the plate and takes care of business. He knows that his children are his legacy; therefore, he must “bring them up in the admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). His blood flows through their veins. He plays a major role in their success and / or failure. A real man realizes the fact that many families have been destroyed or left handicapped by generational curses; therefore, he’s not satisfied with being the missing link in the lives of his children. He knows that he must play a positive, active role in their lives. He’s also aware that his sons may some day follow in his footsteps. It’s his responsibility to mold and shape them into men by setting a good example for them to follow. As they say, Like Father, Like Son. A real man doesn’t live by the old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do.” He knows the importance of leading by example. Will Smith, speaking in reference to his children in an interview with JET magazine said, “The best thing that you can be is an example. I just feel it’s my responsibility.” He could have not been more right. But in order to be an example for your son, you must spend quality time with him—depositing wisdom, knowledge, instruction, and understanding into his heart. That’s the true love of a father.