Secrets of Shiksa Appeal

Chapter 3— Where to Meet a Mensch and Other Awkward Party Situations As heartbreaking as it may be, not all Jewish guys go to Jewish events. Not all of them are putting on their suits and yarmulkes on Friday night and heading to Temple. To utilize your newfound shiksa appeal most effectively, you should attend both Jewish and non-specifically Jewish events. Many of our men get taken because they participate only in secular activities, so for the most part they are only meeting shiksas. Put on your sexy camouflage vest and stilettos—it’s time to go hunting in some obvious and not-so-obvious places. A Glossary Before We Go Hunting: Here are some characters you may encounter on your mission: Kosher Player: The smooth talking guy in town who gets with every Jewish girl because he knows he can. He touches your arm five times within the first five minutes of meeting you, and he seems a little too good to be true. He is not to be discounted, because he is oftentimes very smart and accomplished, but just be on the watch for ulterior motives. Shark: A man in his late thirties or early forties who solely hits on women who are at least ten years his junior. Unlike the Kosher Player, the Shark has no game. If you end up in a conversation with one, you need an excuse to get out immediately (such as a made-up boyfriend). Hopefully someone who knows about the Shark will rescue you from your awkward conversation. Self-Hating Jew: The guy who describes himself as “the worst Jew ever” and is proud of it. He will often scoff at more religious people, and probably fosters resentment towards his heritage. By definition, the Self-Hating Jew would probably not be found at a specifically Jewish event, but you will be sure to come across some of these guys in your daily interactions. Wing-Jew: This friendly face, more commonly known as a wing-man, is your best ally in a social setting. He/she will ensure that you’re not standing in the corner alone. It’s probably best if your Wing-Jew is female, but use a guy friend as a last resort. Despite the fact that being surrounded by men makes you appear appealing and desirable, having a guy can sometimes backfire. It may cause a cock-block, because other men might think you are off the market. Added bonus—your Wing-Jew will assist you by removing you from conversations with undesirable men, and can introduce you to his/her friends at the event. The events below are broken down into two basic types of events/places: Every Man for Himself Events (EMH): These events include happy hours, BBQ’s, networking events, or house parties. For EMH events, may I suggest hiring a Wing-Jew? Another point to keep in mind is that if you’re surrounded by a pack of women, a man will be more intimidated and less likely to start up a conversation. Don’t be afraid to break away occasionally to get a drink. That nice lawyer may be afraid to approach you with your friends hanging around. But always be aware when you break away, a Shark may be lurking around the drinks table. Forced Conversation/Activity Events (FC): These are a Ms. Avi favorite, because you are guaranteed to meet people and there is no work involved. Go alone (or with one friend at most), or else it hinders your ability to meet new people. There’s also no need for awkward conversation-enders such as, “Oh, I have to talk to those guys now…over there…away from you.” See, that was really bad. Examples of forced conversation events include hiking, board-game nights, rock climbing, Shabbat dinners, dance lessons, and Jewish learning classes. If you’re new to a city (or just shy), try out one of these events to avoid being that girl standing in the corner stuffing your face with Cheetos at an EMH event—trust me, Jews remember. Jewish Events: Men attend Jewish events for one of the following two reasons: 1. They are active members of the community and are probably searching for a Jewish woman. If this weren’t so, JDate would be out of business. Or… 2. They know their market price is higher within the Jewish singles scene. Jewish men are well aware they have what we want (their kosherness). For all you economists out there, let’s put it another way: since the demand for Jewish men is higher among Jewish females than anywhere else, these men are a more valuable commodity within our community and can garner a higher price for their “goods.” Thus, a mediocre-looking and/or socially awkward Jewish guy knows he can woo a much more attractive woman at a Jewish event than he could in shiksa-land. Supply and demand, baby.