MisMatch.com

Jennifer Aniston. Christie Brinkley. Sheryl Crow. Princess Diana. Elizabeth Edwards. Terri Hatcher. Either dumped or cheated on in a most humiliating and public way. Every woman has thought, “OMG. If it can happen to her, it can happen to me.” While he’s snoring away, we think quietly at night about what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen to us. We respond by trying to make our stomachs flatter, our boobs bigger, our faces prettier, and our clothes tighter and more revealing. We do everything possible to please our man. You prefer French cooking? Mais oui, mon cheri! You want my hair long? No problem, I’ll get a hair extension. Spending part of your vacation with buddies? Go have a good time. You don’t want to be with my family on Christmas? I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve. Is that OK or would you prefer some other time? Do you like my mani-pedi’d, spray-on tanned, liposuctioned, Pilates body? Can’t commit? Oh, that’s right. You’re just not into me. Or her. Or her. Or her. What the hell has happened? Three words. Match dot com. Match.com and other online dating services have given men access to thousands and thousands of women in every city who look just as great in jeans and a little black dress (the requirement in every man’s profile), a smorgasbord of women each one more delicious to devour than the next. And remember that awful book, He’s Just Not That Into You? It provides a warm blankie of an excuse for every man who just cannot commit. “Hey! He’s just not that into you. Move on, sister!” While the tenant of the book to just move on to find someone worthy of you is a good one, the book provides no rules to we women who will likely encounter yet another man who gorges at the table we have set for them. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again only to find exactly the same man in different clothes but using the same M.O. until yet again we realize he’s just not that into any woman. When they finally are into making a commitment, they are well into their 40s, ready to settle down with a twenty something hottie with their paunch, their bald head, and their decades of treating women poorly. Just ask your male friends what they think of Match.com. The stigma of online dating has just about disappeared so you’ll likely get some forthright answers as I did recently when I asked two male friends about their experiences on Match.com. The first went through a gruesome divorce that started when his wife woke up one day and said over a decade of marriage, “I don’t want to be married.” I remember his stunned voice right after it happened, “She doesn’t want to be married anymore. My God, what did I do wrong?” Two years later and several thousands of dollars in his and her attorney fees, he is paying her an outrageous amount in alimony and child support ... and he has no plans to get serious with a woman anytime soon. Me: “So, it’s been two years. How many women have you dated from Match?” Him: “I have dated 200 women. Yes, 200 women, with often two dates per day. I am meeting the most beautiful, fascinating, different, unique, and interesting women – it’s such a great tool to network and, well, you know. If I could do this with men just to expand my network, I would!” Me: “What happens if a woman wants to date you exclusively?” Him: “Oh yes there’s that, but I have ways of keeping my distance.” The second guy is a neurosurgeon in training, in his mid-30s. Of course he makes it clear on his Match profile that he will be a brain surgeon in a few years. [Note: Insert Match.com profile photo of gorgeous woman with big BriteSmile smile, wearing her lingerie for a night on the town. Observe that pupils have been replaced with dollar signs. Quote above her bubble head, “But it was love at first sight for me!”] Me: “So how’s it going on Match?” Him: “OK, I admit it. I’ve become a he-whore.” Me: “No! You?” Him: “You have no idea how easy it is for me to find a date or a hookup. If I want to go out one evening, I’ll cruise Match.com, send a few emails to a few women, and at least one of them with agree to meet me. I am having more sex than should be allowed by law.” Me: “You’ve been doing this for five years now. Do you think you’ll ever want to be with one woman? Have a child with her?” Him: “You know, I’ve thought a lot about it and I really don’t think being exclusive with a woman is for me. And, unfortunately, I think most men are coming to this conclusion. It’s going to seriously affect the rates of marriage and number of women having children. These numbers are going to plummet in the next ten years.” Me: “But what about women who want to date you for longer than a few encounters?” Him: “Ah, I just stop returning their calls and emails. Women can get so clingy, so annoying especially when I tell them all upfront that I am not looking for a serious relationship. They think they can change my mind but it’s not going to happen.” Ladies, this is what we have to look forward to unless we set up and set some ground rules of our own, to stop this awful trend that Match has fostered. It is an “oh well that didn’t work out – next!” and “wow, if that terrific women will date me, let’s see who else is out there” attitude that is damaging millions of people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s who could be building fulfilling, long-term relationships. We are bolting sooner and sooner if there is a lull in the conversation or the slightest hint of incompatibility, knowing that the next one will appear within a few mouse clicks. To stop the disastrous effects of online dating, we need to step up and demand dignity and respect for dating women of all ages by following the incredibly simple, though so difficult to actually follow, 21st Century Rules for Dating Women.