Tales of the Underground

Heads Buried

The Prank that Started it All!

Previously, my journey to work was pretty bland. I learned to ignore other passengers just like what I came to understand as the standard practice. You know, everyone buries their head in a book, newspaper and now, mobile devices. One day, that changed. I got a seat on the Jubilee line and promptly buried my head in my Metro, particularly when I got to the Sudoku section. I noticed there was a guy sitting beside me and I had the feeling he was looking at me. I didn’t pay attention, but at Canary Wharf, he stood up to leave the train and put his hand on my knee, pressing it while he stood up! I looked up in shock and horror at who would have the audacity to do this, only to find that it was my dearest husband! No lie - I had left home a few minutes before him and he had caught up with me waiting to see if I would notice … After that, I started paying attention to fellow commuters and realised there is a lot of drama and comedy on the daily commute. I think that was the start of #talesoftheunderground.

As said earlier, we relocated to the UK in September of 2004 and I started work the following month, based in London Bridge. That was the start of my numerous underground journeys. At the time, we lived in Isle of Dogs. I’d take the bus from home to Canary Wharf, then the Jubilee Line to London Bridge and later Waterloo, where my client was based.

The first thing I noticed was that many people had earphones on both ears, listening to music. Those were the early days of the iPod. Of course, I didn’t have one, so I marvelled at those who did. I wondered how they could hear announcements or any other relevant piece of information with both ears blocked. I said to myself that when I get my own iPod, I would never block both ears. I would use only one because using both implied you didn’t want to be disturbed. Truth be told, I noticed that when you approached anyone with both ears blocked asking for directions, they would quickly oblige by taking out one earphone, give you the answer you need and continue on their merry way, appearing to ignore everyone again. I quickly learned though, that the best way to enjoy your music was to use both earphones even if it meant ignoring everyone around you. I also learned that it was actually the way of life - block your ears with your earphones and bury your head in a newspaper or a book. Yes, that’s another thing. You must be reading something. If you are not, you tend to stare at other passengers (trust me, there’s plenty to stare at) and if your fellow passengers catch you staring, they give you a strange look.

In no time, I had joined the crowd with an iPod, earphones and newspaper or book to go! Back in Lagos, the commute is totally different where we would spend hours in traffic. There are so many street sellers that you can get dinner and do your weekly shopping while in traffic. That’s a story for another day, or another book, who knows?

It was this attitude that made it so easy for my husband to play the prank he did. He just proved to me that I had started falling into the mould.

I list below some of the usual tools we use which make us appear like we are ignoring our fellow commuters:

Newspapers

Chief of them all is the Metro which is a free newspaper you can pick up at every train station just before you head down to catch your train. I must say, the Metro is a significant landmark or symbol of life in London. In spite of the Metro, there are so many other newspapers sold by newsagents. I honestly don’t know if the news agents or the publishers of other newspapers make enough money. I suppose they do, since they have been around for a long time and are still around. However, I just heard that publication of the Independent Newspapers is planned to end in March 2016 changing to a digitally focussed business.

Back to the Metro, it contains enough to keep you going throughout your train journey with the latest newsworthy events, show biz stories and the associated celebrities, gossip, business, politics, sports and all the typical things you would expect in a newspaper - all for free. It’s funny how the celebrity section always has a story about Rihanna. Hardly a day goes by, without the Editors giving us an update about what Rihanna had been up to the night before. I flick through the day’s paper as I write and yes, there’s a story about Rihanna relaxing by a pool or something and clutching a suspicious cigarette, they say. Once it was Amy Winehouse, she was in the papers almost on a daily basis it seemed. I felt sorry for her every time I read anything about her. She seemed to be heading in one direction, one on which she arrived at one fine day in July 2011. In the course of writing this book, I took a 3 month break from my daily commute. I had fractured my ankle and had to stay home during that period. When I resumed work, I decided to rest the theory and yes, there is Rihanna again in the Celebrity pages - she just released her 8th album!

The highlight for me in the Metro is the letters page. This has evolved over time and it is now called Metro Talk. Readers write in with comments on various topics. There’s a section where the topic is freeform. Readers can briefly write (probably 50 words or less) on any topic. The following day, people then respond to that post and this can go on for days. This format started from the then “London Lite” which is a lighter version of the Metro published for your evening journey back home. The London Lite sadly stopped publication on October 27, 2009. The publishers of the Evening Standard, an afternoon paper which was being sold for about 20p at the time, began distributing to commuters for free. There’s something about free stuff in this city. There is a lot of value for free, I must say. Anyway, we all know that even if something is free to us, someone has paid a price somewhere.

This comments page was quite interesting in those days of the defunct London Lite. When the paper ceased publication, the Metro then took it on as Metro Talk. It carried on the spirit of the banter we used to get in the London Lite. I said earlier that readers write in on any topic and if it’s catchy enough, people respond for days and sometimes weeks until the topic phases out. A couple of stories stand out for me. One was about surfing on the underground. I do not recall how it started but the gist of the topic was to find out for how long and on which line you can stand while travelling without holding on to the rails for dear life. The Central Line which I use regularly was certainly not the winner in case you are wondering. The other topic is related to one where someone wrote in about a couple who used to consistently kiss at a particular time at London Bridge station. This went on for a while until the Metro investigated and unmasked them, publishing a photo and their names as well. Apparently, they kissed goodbye on their way to work every day in the same spot and at the same time!