Fear After

Reminiscence and nostalgia To be carried on the wings of memory; to the places that no longer belong. To face people who I left behind, or who left me behind. The best memories make me feel so sad, the salted tears, (I feel happily ashamed) run down my cheeks; and the longing for something as it was is left in my memory like a trophy. May It doesn’t take long now, to realise, That May is not coming With a bouquet of lilacs Put into a vase by my mother’s hands. It doesn’t bring that great, carefree feeling Into my constantly perturbed mind, Though May used to walk with sandals, Making my heels chilly from the cold ground. May used to bring colour to my childhood cheeks, And a spectacular certainty that I was bound to achieve. So May! Where are you now? I would like to store you For a galactically lasting thought As the freshness of a counsellor, Satisfying my lot. From nostalgia to despair As reminiscence makes me search for times lost and inevitably leads to sweetly sad nostalgia, then nostalgia, providing denial and obstruction can lead to a darkness. Despair. At a time of deep conviction that my time had zero value ; at a time of uncontrollable fear that things could only get worse; at a time when regrets about unchangeable events made my ego go lower and to deeper lows- then the poems became a medium to fight my own feelings. Regardless of how desperate we might feel, life, our biggest show, must go on, and more so at the time when the dark dame, that unwelcomed intruder, visits us, and lets us through into the dark channels of her domain. Could she have been avoided? Maybe; but she had offered me her hand and I had taken it and had begun to walk with her. She had entered my domain and now walked with me. She would not leave my side until, and if, the next chapter was reached. To my sister After many years I’m older by another 2nd of November Day. But it doesn’t mean wiser. I’m still waiting, Having beside me my husband Instead of you, my little friend. It was one of those ‘Unremembered’ 2nd of November Days. We were standing together On the hill of unpredictable ways. It was then that I dared to say: ‘Sun come out Through your cloudy sky And brighten, brighten my way!’ Today My undistinguished shade Was willing to say again; ‘Sun come out and shine’; But it didn’t dare. From despair to hope The first poems of hope emerging from despair are tainted by the darker colours of the spectrum. But poem by poem, despair is pushed away and hope in her welcome brightness starts to make its presence felt. The dark dame moves away and, one day, is no longer to be seen. Carpe Diem As it was perpetually said: Go learn and conquer- And you will be granted tomorrow Without regret. And Tomorrow will provide Warmness and the noise of tiny feet playing, That is heard already. Go, learn and conquer! And everything for this Tomorrow Everything is dissolving. Only sometimes I feel sorry for Autumn: The first leaf fell down, just today. From hope to calm Does calm come with age or does age come with calm? Does getting older always mean getting wiser? Does getting wiser mean having less anger and more tolerance? Does the asking of questions necessarily lead to plausible answers? No. I think that the amount of questions we pose equals an uncertainty we store up throughout our decades on this earth; growing in parallel with our maturing security and our hope that tomorrow will come and the future may be brightness. Where there is hope there is calm, and when a poem created in calm and a reader meet- it might result in a subtle ephemeral journey to the distant place- sometimes as distant as our own, deeply hidden, emotional self. Togetherness To find solitude in being together, Is to give rest to the trembling soul. It is to extend the horizon of captured thoughts- And to make us comprehend the nearest thought. It means to be divided into created existence, Born in one of the galaxies, to find their own Identity and give each other Years of experience. Experience of sorrow and silence, Of laughter and happiness, Which are A reflection of the same eternal light. The light of our forgiveness. I Love you my way The Day In the morning, I love you like a sea breeze that refreshes perception and makes the horizon clear. For breakfast My love spreads so that you can choose anything that is healthy, tasty and as fresh as squeezed orange juice For the working hours, I love you like a hundred tasks to be performed and which have to be done. If they all proceed smoothly, then my love is happy and bright, But when love feels overwhelmed it gets angry and bites. For the homecoming time, Love listens for the sound of your car. For dinner My love tastes like a sip of wine, that complements whatever you choose to have. At the time when soft music plays, My love soothes, restores straightness, relaxes and moderates. Sometimes, when the music gets loud My love feels like a dancer, and does what dancers do: Spins around. For goodnight My love becomes tired, and can’t wait, to put her head down, hugging you tightly all night. At the time of intimacy, My love rolls into cocoon, inside are only us, The outside, loses significance, and the only thing that counts is silky touch. In the starry night, My love is like starlight travelling for millions years to arrive and enrich you with infinity, to give you a universe that expands. The Seasons As for spring, My love dresses in different colours, from lilac through green to the bright yellow of the sun, to make you feel the diversity of life. In the Summer I love you like a hot sunny day, my warmth caresses and relaxes, and feels safe. In the Autumn, I love you in brown. I let fall the leaves to add softness to walk on the ground. Come the Winter My love emanates heat that for you is warming just to look at me. The Changes At the time of nightmare, In which you want to leave, my love becomes a fear, and wakes up in terror as if you were the air I need to breath. At the stormy time My love subdues. The elements fight, until a ray of sun appears and makes love arise again. At the time of moving From place to place, my love becomes a carrier to take half of your heaviness. At the time of panic, When we get slightly mad, my love stretches time, and accommodates your concerns. In challenging times, My love becomes the wall of achievement, unmovingly proud, silently reflecting what you have done. At the time when we need to part, My love becomes the magnetic field that pulls you close, regardless of how far you might be.