Fire

As she glanced around the room, Tarah Kiersey couldn’t tell whether her body was shaking from fear or anticipation. While one side of her brain commanded her to run away and fast, the other craved those few minutes on stage. Having all those eyes on her was both frightening and gratifying at the same time. It was something that many people didn’t understand. And maybe, she decided, they’re the lucky ones. Maybe it was easier to go through life, always playing it safe. Never taking a risk. But was it worth it? A legendary rock diva had once compared the minutes prior to walking on stage to those just before snorting your first line of coke. She believed that although a part of you sensed the danger and feared the consequences, another part knew that the high would be so powerful and intoxicating that it was worth it. Tarah was 16 when first heard this comment and had no experience with either doing cocaine or singing in front of an audience. And yet, even back then she knew that these words were accurate. They both scared her. They both peaked her curiosity. Feeling nervous, she once again looked around the crowded bar in hopes of finding her boyfriend, but to no avail. She had met Jeff a couple of months earlier, back when the hot summer sun drove people into the downtown bars for a cold beer. His band had been playing at one of the city’s most popular establishments, when Tarah and her best friend stopped in for a drink. Jeff had started a conversation with her in between sets and she automatically became infatuated with the bassist. Later that night, they went to an all night restaurant and talked till the sun rose over the dreary, southern Ontario city. They had been together ever since. But that was before the cool, September breeze brought students back to that ‘college town’ of Thorton, a city of 450 000. Now it was not unusual to walk into the same bars that were pretty low key during the summer months, to find them rocking up a storm. The music seemed louder and the people were always different, no matter where you went. “Tarah Kiersey,” The sound of her own name startled her. Feeling her stomach turning, she hid her discomfort with a smile and started walking toward the stage. It was her turn to sing. As she made way through a roaring crowd, the host spotted his next performer and automatically began to send compliments in her direction. “Now, don’t be fooled, this lady may be small but she can sing.” Noting the smile on Tarah’s face as she climbed on stage, the announcer seemed encouragement to continue. “And we’re in for a treat tonight, here at Jerry’s Saturday night jam because she has selected one of this year’s biggest songs, Under the Bridge. Great choice Tarah!” He winked at the petit blond and passed her the microphone, before leaving her alone in front of a crowd of about 150-200 people. To a seasoned performer, this would’ve been a piece of cake. But to someone like Tarah who had very little experience singing in public, it may as well been 2000 people. Since the band had already started to play, Tarah had no time to second-guess herself. Although it seemed a little awkward in the beginning, all the singing lessons she had taken earlier that year had prepared her to be professional. She knew that posture and proper breathing went a long way, not to mention being able to fake confidence. Looking past the faces in the crowd, the twenty-one year old woman wasn’t even aware that she held a captive audience. No one who watched her would’ve guessed that her stomach was in knots and that she had broke out in a sweat under the strong lights that beat down on her face. She sang like a pro. But just as Tarah began to relax and finally had the courage to look into the faces in the crowd, something caught her eye. It was Jeff. Her boyfriend. And he was with another girl. A tall brunette with big boobs, figures. In fact, the woman was all over him and judging by the smile on his face, he didn’t mind. This, after promising Tarah that he had never cheated on her and she was the only girl for him. After insisting he’d be there for her that night, standing in the front row, since he was her biggest fan. It was a lie. He didn’t even seem aware that she was on stage. She wanted to cry but instead continued to sing and push her feelings aside. It was just as she was about to finish the song that Tarah saw something that almost made her screw up the entire song. The brunette put her hand in Jeff’s, gave him a sly smile and led him toward the back of the bar. However, the crowd was much too thick and Tarah quickly lost site of them. Trying to remain casual, her eyes scanned the many faces of the room, while her sadness quickly turned to anger and it caused her voice to become stronger than it ever had been before that night. This didn’t go unnoticed by the crowd who were becoming increasingly interested and impressed by some of the higher and longer notes that this very tiny woman was hitting. In fact, many of those who watched her were musicians themselves and knew talent when they saw it. However, Tarah was so caught up in her own drama that she didn’t see their obvious acceptance. But what she did see was her boyfriend walking into a men’s washroom, hand and hand with the brunette. And as Tarah finished the song, she felt rage filling up her body. Every lie he had ever told her and every excuse he had ever made to her was now rising to the surface. Suddenly, the reality was painfully clear. As she stood on that stage, Tarah felt herself shake with anger. Ignoring the cheering crowd and losing sight of the fact that she had just accomplished something big, Tarah felt engulfed in fury. Suddenly all the rumors that she had denied in their two months of dating swirled around in Tarah’s head. Feeling humiliated and repulsed, she abruptly slammed the microphone on the ground, causing a huge thump throughout the room then jumped off the stage. Suddenly her size was no longer a deterrent as she flew through the startled crowd of flannel shirts and ripped jeans and headed straight to the men’s washroom, where the stranger had taken her boyfriend Only hesitating for a moment, she shoved open the door. Three guys at the urinals were oblivious to the fact that a woman was even in the room. Finding the one lone stall door closed, Tarah used all her strength to kick the flimsy door open and felt a thud. The door swung back and revealed Jeff with his pants around his ankles and the brunette on her knees before him. Tarah felt her eyes sting with tears. While the brunette attempted to chastise her for not only interrupting them, but also hitting her with the door, Jeff quickly pulled up his pants. He had a deer in headlights look on his face and Tarah automatically knew that this wasn’t his first indiscretion. Without even thinking, she lunged forward and her fist hit the same face she had once adored. Jeff automatically touched his cheek where she’d punched him, stunned by Tarah’s reaction. “Baby, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking…” He said the words as if they were rehearsed, kind of like a child who had misbehaved but always had his ‘forgiveness’ speech tucked in the back of his mind. With downcast eyes and a soft voice he continued to touch his face, “I deserved that.” Tarah could sense that a crowd was gathered behind her but didn’t care. “You fucking asshole!” Her voice rang out through the room. “I’ll show you what you deserve!” She lunged forward but felt her body being pulled back and eventually off the ground. It took her a few seconds to realize that the bar’s bouncers were dragging her out of the room and toward the bar’s exit. “What are you doing?” Tarah began to cry and felt her feet once again touching the ground. She glanced toward the stage to see another performer was now singing for the crowd, although she still held her own captive audience. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”